Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
←Rate | 09-05-2012 16:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
←Rate | 09-26-2012 21:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.
←Rate | 10-17-2012 10:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor put up his Christmas lights today. I bet he's pissed that I beat him to it. I put mine up three years ago.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to astronomy, whenever you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. The star is dead. Just like your dreams.
←Rate | 09-09-2012 14:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you're partying. But there's a problem... You're on Facebook on a Saturday night talking about how hard you're partying. You're not fooling anyone.
←Rate | 07-23-2011 15:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm excited for Christmas. What other time of the year can you sit around a dead tree and eat candy out of socks?
←Rate | 12-06-2010 20:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (4)  


   messageicon There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
←Rate | 12-16-2010 13:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 20:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 23:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy with a gun enters a bar. "Who the f*ck had sex with my wife?" he snarled. A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets!"
←Rate | 06-05-2012 14:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
←Rate | 02-16-2013 12:45 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are so many scams on the Internet now... Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
←Rate | 07-06-2012 19:51 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
←Rate | 04-25-2012 23:39 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why isn't there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
←Rate | 05-20-2012 17:24 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is one of those days where I wish I could restore myself to the factory settings.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 17:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon That'll teach the bltch to keep the house in the divorce... Before I left, I set 3 white rats free in the house with 1, 2, & 4 written on their backs.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 18:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The American dream is no longer owning your own home. Its moving out of moms.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 16:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if the CEO of Classmates.com cries every time he sees the word "Facebook."
←Rate | 06-10-2010 05:44 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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