Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Maybe it's the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
←Rate | 08-03-2018 15:46 by Ha.ha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are Zoey and Zoe pronounced the same way but Joey and Joe aren't?
←Rate | 08-07-2018 10:32 Comments (2)  


   messageicon "I'm great at spelling bees. But hopless at spelling other words."
←Rate | 08-15-2018 20:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon " I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb."
←Rate | 08-16-2018 22:17 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I love dieting I'm actually on 4 diets: Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 17:03 by Aerotim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said thanks how do you know I’m not a serial killer? I replied the chances of two serial killer’s being in the same car are astronomical.
←Rate | 06-08-2018 18:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For all those calling for "Fathers Day" to be called "Special Person's" day, you already have a day of your own. It's April 1st.
←Rate | 06-06-2018 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I'm usually fine with going home.
←Rate | 04-08-2018 13:55 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
←Rate | 04-14-2018 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
←Rate | 04-17-2018 13:36 by Eddy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
←Rate | 07-18-2018 07:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon me: it's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up cop: that's not how field sobriety tests work
←Rate | 07-27-2018 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
←Rate | 04-23-2018 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need a montage of dads trying to order for the whole family in drive-thrus
←Rate | 05-04-2018 22:12 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not gonna brag but my neighbors don’t say hi to me
←Rate | 06-06-2018 09:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It's not all about how someone looks." - Helen Keller.
←Rate | 06-22-2018 20:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying I drive fast, but on my last trip the lady in my GPS told me pull over and she would walk.
←Rate | 06-29-2018 20:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An apple a day is bull crap.... Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 18:42 by BobbyT Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will only date a woman 3 times. I'm not scared of commitment. I'm scared my wife will find out.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 14:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


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