Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 12:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her and yell "DON'T DIE ON ME!" and then people always clap when she wakes up.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
←Rate | 05-05-2018 07:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happier than a Goth Girl being carried off by a flock of ravens.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 03:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to read; "I don't know where ya’ll gonna get your laughs now"
←Rate | 03-25-2018 06:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn't get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn't brushed her teeth in forever
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anything is possible when you have no clue what you're talking about
←Rate | 03-24-2018 09:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
←Rate | 04-08-2018 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Decaf is the handjob of coffee.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a tattoo on your face, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a woman on my train whispering her texts as she types them and now we all know that kevin might have herpes.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 12:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before you fall in Love with a girl with sparkling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head
←Rate | 04-17-2018 04:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My bank account is a pit stop where money comes to hold its breath before proceeding to where it was destined for.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 13:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. But with your help, we can put a well in their home village. Hi, I'm Sarah McLachlan....
←Rate | 03-08-2018 10:10 Comments (1)  


   messageicon how do amish girls know if its a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular candle lit dinner.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:50 Comments (1)  


   messageicon If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you
←Rate | 04-04-2018 07:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe I should have just gotten in the van.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actually I don't think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
←Rate | 04-17-2018 11:09 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember: One person's LOL is another person's WTF.
←Rate | 05-09-2018 07:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If women are always right,why do they always picking wrong men?
←Rate | 05-01-2018 08:55 Comments (0)  


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