huck Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
←Rate | 05-09-2015 16:03 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I'm dying to pee.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 06:10 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never met a group of people more worried about their "privacy" than the people on Facebook that share EVERYTHING about themselves.
←Rate | 01-18-2013 07:50 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons
←Rate | 02-15-2013 06:06 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
←Rate | 03-27-2013 06:24 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
←Rate | 04-07-2014 06:02 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who have permission to call me honey, sugar or sweetie: 1. Truck stop waitresses 2. That’s it
←Rate | 02-08-2015 06:13 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. - Dog
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:25 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
←Rate | 10-11-2012 18:29 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people... Like you ate a pinecone every single d
←Rate | 07-03-2013 07:58 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:49 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
←Rate | 02-11-2015 05:34 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 08:41 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies: if a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it
←Rate | 08-16-2012 06:58 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “that's messed up” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help
←Rate | 04-24-2014 05:12 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die
←Rate | 08-23-2014 06:28 by Huck Comments (2)  


   messageicon A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you're hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
←Rate | 03-02-2015 06:06 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
←Rate | 07-09-2014 04:12 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone who says you can't judge a book by its cover hasn't seen the cover of “The Big Book of Huge Breasts”.
←Rate | 09-13-2012 06:29 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart.
←Rate | 05-26-2013 08:06 by Huck Comments (0)  




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