huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
←Rate | 03-27-2013 06:24 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
←Rate | 04-07-2014 06:02 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who have permission to call me honey, sugar or sweetie: 1. Truck stop waitresses 2. That’s it
←Rate | 02-08-2015 06:13 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can't conjugate verbs.
←Rate | 08-23-2012 06:24 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. - Dog
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:25 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
←Rate | 10-11-2012 18:29 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people... Like you ate a pinecone every single d
←Rate | 07-03-2013 07:58 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter
←Rate | 02-17-2014 05:24 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Price Is Right losing horn should play every time you think you've found a parking space but it's actually filled by a small car or motorcycle
←Rate | 12-27-2012 07:32 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
←Rate | 02-11-2015 05:34 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 08:41 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies: if a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it
←Rate | 08-16-2012 06:58 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've never met a group of people more worried about their "privacy" than the people on Facebook that share EVERYTHING about themselves.
←Rate | 01-18-2013 07:50 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “that's messed up” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help
←Rate | 04-24-2014 05:12 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you're hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
←Rate | 03-02-2015 06:06 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
←Rate | 07-09-2014 04:12 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone who says you can't judge a book by its cover hasn't seen the cover of “The Big Book of Huge Breasts”.
←Rate | 09-13-2012 06:29 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's not that I'm judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
←Rate | 04-23-2014 05:37 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Back in my day recess was where they sent us to play on a rusty death trap and now kids can't eat gluten.
←Rate | 05-31-2015 07:47 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
←Rate | 09-29-2014 04:30 by Huck Comments (0)  

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