huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: 'last warning, you have a week to get the money together.'
←Rate | 10-24-2013 21:27 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Helpful hint: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 07:17 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If there is anything I learned from 80's movies it's that I'm the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
←Rate | 06-03-2014 19:53 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
←Rate | 05-09-2015 16:03 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I'm dying to pee.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 06:10 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've never met a group of people more worried about their "privacy" than the people on Facebook that share EVERYTHING about themselves.
←Rate | 01-18-2013 07:50 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons
←Rate | 02-15-2013 06:06 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
←Rate | 03-27-2013 06:24 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
←Rate | 04-07-2014 06:02 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon People who have permission to call me honey, sugar or sweetie: 1. Truck stop waitresses 2. That’s it
←Rate | 02-08-2015 06:13 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you're hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
←Rate | 03-02-2015 06:06 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I'll be watching you. - Dog
←Rate | 12-30-2012 08:25 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
←Rate | 10-11-2012 18:29 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people... Like you ate a pinecone every single d
←Rate | 07-03-2013 07:58 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo if you’re brave enough.
←Rate | 12-14-2014 08:19 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:49 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
←Rate | 02-11-2015 05:34 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 08:41 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies: if a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it
←Rate | 08-16-2012 06:58 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “that's messed up” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help
←Rate | 04-24-2014 05:12 by Huck Comments (0)  

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