Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You can't make this stuff up? Actually, you can... it's called lying.
←Rate | 10-16-2017 08:23 Comments (2)  


   messageicon The thing that truly makes amusement park rides scary is that you are entrusting your life to a teenager that is earning minimum wage to make sure you are securely fastened into your seat.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 06:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When do Boy Scout cookies go on sale?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 05:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon my theory: every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
←Rate | 10-12-2017 06:02 by andrewjackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can anyone recommend a good book to tell people I'm reading?
←Rate | 10-28-2017 18:02 by flinnie Comments (2)  


   messageicon Dating site for pyromaniacs: Match.com
←Rate | 10-19-2017 19:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next, more things?? That's how they get you
←Rate | 10-22-2017 08:11 by andrewjackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My stripper name is... Get off the pole, ma'am, this is Home Depot.
←Rate | 10-26-2017 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason.
←Rate | 04-24-2017 16:41 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Next time you find yourself complaining on your $600 smartphone, put it down and rethink your life.
←Rate | 09-16-2017 22:36 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those medications.
←Rate | 09-21-2017 07:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not sure who will be performing at the Super Bowl half-time this season but I am already furious about it
←Rate | 09-26-2017 08:59 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has more to say than the woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2017 09:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey here is something I learned and wanted to pass along -- you can donate to the Hurricane Relief fund and not tell anyone.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it's an intervention.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sociopath: The Sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are Guilty of. They do this to deflect attention from themselves.
←Rate | 11-13-2017 04:38 Comments (1)  


   messageicon 5000 years of eating bread and now all of a sudden everyone's allergic to gluten? WTF?
←Rate | 08-02-2017 07:45 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I miss that feeling you'd get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 10:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
←Rate | 07-19-2017 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 3.1x
←Rate | 08-12-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  



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