SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver.
←Rate | 09-01-2016 08:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate those people who ride your bumper and then start flashing their lights at you. Like, Hey- look at me, I’m driving an ambulance.........
←Rate | 09-01-2016 08:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon In hell, your coworker never finishes opening a wrapper.
←Rate | 09-01-2016 08:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put some doughnuts, ice cream, and snickers bars in my blender for dessert tonight, so yeah-I juice.
←Rate | 09-01-2016 08:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got excited when my son joined the cross-country team. But then I learned they don’t cross the country and are back home in a few hours.
←Rate | 09-01-2016 08:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life Hack: Send your boss an email that says " Suck my A$$" and you wont have to go to work the next.
←Rate | 07-14-2016 15:13 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon About a year ago I told my friend there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Last I heard he is still sitting there holding his rod.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:08 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s bad enough when the little voices in my head talk to me. But now they are texting.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:02 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wife was bragging about being a multi-tasker last night, I said " O yeah, why can’t you have a headache and sex at the same time?”......
←Rate | 07-08-2016 09:11 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was reading that dogs can successfully sniff out cancer in humans. Now I’m worried that I’ve got testicular cancer.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 09:07 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst thing about spanking a disobedient child in the supermarket is having absolutely no idea who’s child it is.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 08:51 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a sign in the bus station today, it said ‘One bus takes 35 cars off the road’ personally I think it depends how aggressive the driver is…
←Rate | 07-08-2016 08:01 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the presidential election is between a grandma who can't figure out her email and a grandpa who believes every spam he receives? Great.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to dream of that fairytale kind of love. Now I'll settle for someone who'll gain weight faster than me.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Urinating on a jelly fish sting helps the pain. Urinating on a bee sting just makes your neighbor angry.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started to wear a wig at the gym so everyone thinks I am strong for a girl.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters since May. There's still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:17 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The firefighters' union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign's in trouble when firefighters are like, 'Even WE can't put out that many fires.'"
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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