daheavy1 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You know you fat when you use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
←Rate | 05-21-2013 13:26 by Daheavy1 Comments (1)  


   messageicon No one has it worse than the duck that's allergic to gluten.
←Rate | 05-13-2013 20:08 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should give the girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor a cat.
←Rate | 03-20-2013 15:36 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm making a list of people I like. The ones who say "autumn" instead of "fall" are the first ones I'm crossing off
←Rate | 11-07-2012 20:31 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "That's what" -She
←Rate | 09-29-2012 01:42 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't use your turn signals, you should not be trusted with the rest of the car either.
←Rate | 09-22-2012 11:35 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.
←Rate | 09-22-2012 11:32 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dumped a cross eyed girl. I thought she was seeing someone els
←Rate | 09-12-2012 10:01 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn't sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing
←Rate | 09-09-2012 16:33 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon People go to the bar hoping for two things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
←Rate | 09-09-2012 16:32 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I won a contest. The prize was a year supply of calenders.
←Rate | 09-03-2012 19:05 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
←Rate | 08-28-2012 11:19 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone really believe this thing with the Mayan calendar? If you do it's OK but if you don't, it's not the end of the world.
←Rate | 08-28-2012 11:19 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
←Rate | 08-28-2012 11:19 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What happens when you autotune Stephen Hawking?
←Rate | 08-09-2012 10:50 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
←Rate | 06-25-2012 11:36 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put my phone on "Airplane Mode" and threw it in the air! ...Worst transformer ever.
←Rate | 06-21-2012 15:19 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time
←Rate | 04-23-2012 17:58 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's the saddest thing when someone you know becomes someone you knew.
←Rate | 04-17-2012 09:42 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear if my boss paid ever me in Trident Layers, I'd probably have to kick his ass.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 23:16 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  




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