Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The wife says the only hard things allowed in my house nowadays are boiled eggs, sudoku puzzles and the hats of the surprising number of construction workers who come by whilst I’m at work to quote for a new patio. Surprising, because we live in
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Buffalo Wild Wings: Did you order ahead? Me: No it was just wings.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Here’s a little song I wrote about being old in the summer it’s called “Sunburn on My Bald Spot” and a one and a two
←Rate | 07-08-2020 12:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Privilege is having multiple national organizations promoting and protecting your race, all of which are subsidized by federal tax dollars.
←Rate | 07-08-2020 10:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someone told me to check my White Privilege. I looked and said "Yep. Got it right here."
←Rate | 07-07-2020 23:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh come on this is ridiculous! It’s July 8th and people are still setting fireworks off. One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
←Rate | 07-07-2020 22:01 by DJJackson Comments (0)  

   messageicon Breaking News Adam Schiff has proof that one of Donald Trumps kids is the missing Lindbergh baby
←Rate | 07-07-2020 20:07 by Lonnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon After such a high demand for COVID-19 face masks, I have recently started making them. Does anyone know how much chloroform I need to use?
←Rate | 07-07-2020 18:51 by joebob35768 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I die at the begining of the month after paying my rent, they better sit me on the couch till the 30th!!
←Rate | 07-07-2020 18:20 by Africanpope Comments (0)  

   messageicon 41 shot in NYC this weekend, 77 in Chicago, 24 in Atlanta. But it's ok... no need for the media to report it. There were no police officers involved.
←Rate | 07-07-2020 14:19 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm trying to figure out why you're mad at me for not wearing a mask. Does the one you're wearing not work?
←Rate | 07-07-2020 07:38 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you want to know how much someone's opinion is worth, try paying your bills with them.
←Rate | 07-07-2020 07:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Privilege is being given extra consideration based on what box you check for race on your college application.
←Rate | 07-07-2020 07:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I feel like I'm watching a tv show called "Lockdown Got Talent" because this lockdown has people thinking they're gym instructors, chefs, dancers, etc...
←Rate | 07-06-2020 19:32 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I lay on my kitchen floor and pretend to be a crumb
←Rate | 07-06-2020 18:35 by fadolo Comments (0)  

   messageicon My white privilege was me working 2 jobs to put myself thru the cheapest public university I could attend...
←Rate | 07-06-2020 17:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hope Charlie Daniels wins that fiddle of gold. 🎻 R.I.P.
←Rate | 07-06-2020 15:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CNN just asked Joe Biden when he was going to pick a running mate, He told them he thought he already had.
←Rate | 07-06-2020 14:57 by MarkParsons Comments (0)  

   messageicon Municipal Government: Try to stay home Provincial Government: Try to stay home Federal Government: Try to stay home My boss: See you tomorrow
←Rate | 07-06-2020 12:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife agreed to roleplay as Catwoman but won’t let me say pow and bam with each thrust.
←Rate | 07-06-2020 12:38 Comments (0)  

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