Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BREAKING: The Edmonton Oilers just pulled an Ed the Zebra—broke loose, dodged the Florida Panthers, and soared into OT glory like they were being airlifted out of Florida.

   Due to lack of punch buggies on the road nowadays, the new game is Tesla Sass Slap.

   Where are the water cannon trucks? Give them turds a flush.

   My wife and I were happy for 23 years. Then, we met.

   To all the injured rioters out there—might want to apply a little ICE to those wounds!

   I don't care how good looking you are if you don't have any brains." -Zombies

   Dear LGBQTMSNBC freaks. This WOKE nonsense is over. Go seek help, or a hysterectomy. Whichever comes first.

   Due to lack of punch buggies on the road nowadays the new game is tesla titty twista

   The reason the 'why does the military only get one day' people mention it mainly during Pride Month is because the dysphoric, rainbow cucks ram it down our throats. (Not to mention each other's.)

   You want this, you want that. People in heII want ice water.

   If Those "why does the military only get one day people" actually cared they'd mention it any other month otherthen pride

   In The Little Mermaid, the real reason Ariel wanted human legs was because Eric told her he doesn’t eat sushi.

   My husband says I never do anything, so I just cleaned out our bank account.

   DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people

   I decide which beer to drink on a case by case basis

   When French people swear, do they say excuse my English?

   As I was driving in the city I saw my ex crossing the street and the term, "I'd hit that", took on a whole new meaning!

   Thanks to A.I seeing a baby with a Mullet and a beard seems perfectly normal these days

   In many cases, dogs aren't always man's best friend. They're one man's best friend. They're usually everyone else's enemy.

   I trust CNN about as far as I can throw MSNBC.