Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator which was missing the 'X' button. Times were hard.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If a Tutu was designed for an extra-large ballerina, would it be called a Threethree?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it me or do the birds and critters seem so much louder now - like their taunting us?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Naked and Afraid. But it’s just me using the shower after my husband.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So many things changing daily. For example, now DTF stands for Don’t Touch my Face.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With all the different names he has called the virus, I wonder when he will call it the Obama virus.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon co-worker: ok who put seafood in the microwave me: oh sorry does my lobster smell co-worker: no he’s pinching people
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon [during sex] me: imma turn the ceiling fan on giraffe wife: *on top* noooooooo
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You can literally be in Autozone and your kid will still want something. WTF you want a alternator?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 06:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You heard the saying "you are what you eat", well Mc. D's must be making their Big Mac with donkey meat.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 05:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bet when he went to school if there was a subject called how to do nothing, he would of gotten straight A's in it.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 04:34 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Has anyone ever tried giving him an Ex-Lax?
←Rate | 04-08-2020 01:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon * If I had money invested in a drug manufacturing company like he does, I too would be pushing the use of unsafe drugs.
←Rate | 04-08-2020 01:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I found a real use for a selfie stick.. 6 feet back motherfuckers
←Rate | 04-07-2020 22:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This Corona hoax is the most I've ever seen my neighbors, I'm pretty sure they're all hooligans. Almost all of em wearing masks.
←Rate | 04-07-2020 21:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm called "Essential" because calling me "Sacrificial" would be too honest...
←Rate | 04-07-2020 20:24 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon I stopped wearing a mask and started carrying a chain saw everywhere . Social distancing isn't an issue for me :P
←Rate | 04-07-2020 20:08 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am creating face mask from the scalps of the dead... Is that wrong?
←Rate | 04-07-2020 20:08 Comments (0)  

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