Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Marriage Counsellor: last week I asked you to come up with 3 things you love about each other. Me: I need an extension.
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This year, I’ll be haunting my own house to see if I can scare these people away.
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I want to be that grandpa someday that everyone is afraid to take out in public.
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Long story short don’t use sewing scissors to trim your nose hair if you’re drunk
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Taco Bell: You need to loosen up. Stools: OK!
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This anger management class is pissing me off.
←Rate | 09-22-2020 08:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it still called a gas pedal on an electric car?
←Rate | 09-21-2020 17:08 by Gabe Comments (0)  

   messageicon Orwell called them Thought Police. Zuckerberg calls them Fact Checkers.
←Rate | 09-21-2020 07:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't be the only one who’s first instinct when a fly lands on their computer screen is to try to scare it with the cursor.
←Rate | 09-20-2020 20:55 by @svaldez187 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe the Pandemic Shutdown of 2020 was organized by Keyser Soze
←Rate | 09-19-2020 22:32 by Lonnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon How long until Biden promises to nominate the SCOTUS' first black woman if elected?
←Rate | 09-19-2020 06:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ruth Bader Ginsburg actually died years ago. She just got the memo today.
←Rate | 09-18-2020 19:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wind kept blowing an old Burger King wrapper at my feet for over half a block I know a sign from God when I see one
←Rate | 09-18-2020 10:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Here in the South, we don’t consider a cookout successful unless there’s an ambulance involved.
←Rate | 09-18-2020 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Until zoom life I had no idea how many people dig in their ear.
←Rate | 09-18-2020 10:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anyone know if we have any wiggle room when it comes to the 6ft distances rule?
←Rate | 09-18-2020 03:04 by Lonnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon That time hackers stole my nudes and returned them.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 15:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One of my daughters wants to marry the mailman, but I won’t letter!
←Rate | 09-17-2020 15:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told someone to question everything. He replied to me "even your conspiracy theories?" After that, I feel so confused all the time.
←Rate | 09-17-2020 13:28 Comments (0)  

   messageicon He drinks a whiskey drink He drinks a vodka drink He drinks a taco drink He drinks a pizza drink – me with a broken jaw
←Rate | 09-17-2020 09:12 Comments (0)  

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