Funny Status Messages for Facebook

X is I wish I was the person that got to choose what posts go on the wall.If you make me spit my coffee from laughing then you made it : )

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 14:08 Comments (0)

X Sometimes when I have contractors come over to work at my house I feel like giving them a tip. But then I stop and think...why stop at just the "tip"?

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 14:06 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)

X says I’ll smash a jar on the floor before I’ll let a girl open a jar for me.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 14:02 Comments (0)

X says Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 14:00 by Czovczov Comments (0)

X says Pretty neat how I just lump breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one meal and call it "drinking".

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 13:54 Comments (0)

X says When do we start referring to horribly failed relationships as being Taylor-made?

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 13:53 Comments (0)

X I put the ass in passionate.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 13:50 Comments (0)

X says I think that in hell everyone is drunk but you.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 13:49 Comments (0)

X says The older I get the more everyone can kiss my ass.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 13:24 Comments (0)

X says "I like your pushy." - Sean Connery talking dirty to his woman

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 13:16 Comments (0)

X says If you want someone who is always smiling, always happy, get a clown. Or a comedian. I need someone who can get dark with me.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 13:14 Comments (0)

X Premature ejaculator seeks bubbly, blonde female with big ti...... Hang on. It dosen't matter now......!

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 12:44 Comments (0)

X is Have you ever felt like you are surrounded by incompitence and realized you were by yourself

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 12:38 Comments (0)

X Balloons are so weird... "Congratulations on having a baby, here's a plastic sack of my breath"

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 12:02 Comments (0)

X I've discovered the 8th Wonder Of The World. There are no hot women in Minnesota.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 09:26 by Virgin Larry Comments (0)

X says Studies show that California has the highest rate of Adultery and Depression....It's a sad State of affairs.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 09:04 by Me Comments (0)

X I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 08:39 Comments (1)

X is When you catch the Holy Ghost on the streets you are a crackhead

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 08:14 Comments (0)

X says I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 06:55 Comments (1)

X says got new a deodorant ..Instructions say remove top and push up bottom.. My a$$ hurts but every time I fart the room smells great.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-17-2013 06:53 Comments (0)