Funny Status Messages for FacebookThousands of statuses to update your Funny Facebook Status, Twitter status, or profile.
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X is I wish I was the person that got to choose what posts go on the wall.If you make me spit my coffee from laughing then you made it : )
X Sometimes when I have contractors come over to work at my house I feel like giving them a tip. But then I stop and think...why stop at just the "tip"?
X says I’ll smash a jar on the floor before I’ll let a girl open a jar for me.
X says Accepting a Facebook friend request from someone you follow on twitter is like bringing home your drug dealer to meet your family.
X says Pretty neat how I just lump breakfast, lunch, and dinner all in one meal and call it "drinking".
X says When do we start referring to horribly failed relationships as being Taylor-made?
X I put the ass in passionate.
X says I think that in hell everyone is drunk but you.
X says The older I get the more everyone can kiss my ass.
X says "I like your pushy." - Sean Connery talking dirty to his woman
X says If you want someone who is always smiling, always happy, get a clown. Or a comedian. I need someone who can get dark with me.
X Premature ejaculator seeks bubbly, blonde female with big ti...... Hang on. It dosen't matter now......!
X is Have you ever felt like you are surrounded by incompitence and realized you were by yourself
X Balloons are so weird... "Congratulations on having a baby, here's a plastic sack of my breath"
X I've discovered the 8th Wonder Of The World. There are no hot women in Minnesota.
X says Studies show that California has the highest rate of Adultery and Depression....It's a sad State of affairs.
X I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
X is When you catch the Holy Ghost on the streets you are a crackhead
X says I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
X says got new a deodorant ..Instructions say remove top and push up bottom.. My a$$ hurts but every time I fart the room smells great.