Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:
Page: 3 of 5827

   messageicon Every time I go to Taco Bell I get diarrhea. Perhaps next time, I should get tacos.
←Rate | 01-12-2019 10:08 Comments (1)  

   messageicon I’ve realized that the penguin may be the only animal on earth that falls over more than I do
←Rate | 01-12-2019 09:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't care about the shutdown affecting the parks and monuments. But I draw the line when it effect my beer.
←Rate | 01-12-2019 01:03 Comments (2)  

   messageicon The counter lady at Mcdonalds was American. I said "You are the only one that understands me"
←Rate | 01-11-2019 19:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got gas for $2 a gallon which was cheaper than getting it at Taco Bell.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 16:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I still don't know why Microsoft put a talking paper clip in Microsoft Office instead of a talking ink pen they could call your "pen pal"
←Rate | 01-11-2019 14:37 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forget the wall Trump wants us to pay for. WTF is he doing about Nickleback?
←Rate | 01-11-2019 08:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Euthanasia is OK, but most people can live without it.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 08:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A 99-year-old guy and his 96-year-old wife getting divorced. They never got along and people kept saying, “Why did you wait so long to get a divorce?” And they said, “We want to wait until the kids were dead.”
←Rate | 01-11-2019 06:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A new study found that ESP could actually be real. I read about it in tomorrow’s paper.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 06:23 Comments (0)  

   messageicon How long do you have to be ignorant before you start experiencing bliss ?
←Rate | 01-11-2019 04:36 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon I started a support group for men with erectile dysfuntion. It was a flop and nobody came.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 04:33 by Joker Comments (0)  

   messageicon 7645 plus, false or misleading claims. what a record.
←Rate | 01-11-2019 02:20 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 17:34 by Bob Comments (0)  

   messageicon CNN BREAKING NEWS: Due to Government Shutdown, all the aliens in Area 51 have been released..
←Rate | 01-10-2019 16:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Build the wall out of solar panels. Make God pay for it.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 14:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I prefer a woman to not have six pack abs. I also prefer a woman to not prefer that I have them either.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 12:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently bumblebees don't want you to pet them.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 12:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sure hope this episode of “Celebrity President” ends soon.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 12:15 Comments (1)  

   messageicon The best way to open a Capri Sun is with a bullet.
←Rate | 01-10-2019 12:12 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left