SEAN Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Well guys, if you want to have a baby born on 11/11/11 better go home tonight and put the meat to her
←Rate | 02-17-2011 13:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just lost my job at the funeral, I guess I'm just not a mourning person
←Rate | 02-21-2011 09:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of my friends and relatives are getting married, I don't go all out on gifts anymore after my marriage, I just buy them all the same thing, a label machine- and with it a card that says in two years you will thank me…
←Rate | 02-21-2011 12:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon And then it hit me, reality- just like when you realize the chicken you ate last night wasn't cooked all the way...
←Rate | 02-21-2011 17:05 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is not a worse feeling in the world than being at the Dentist when he has to use the restroom, you hear the toilet flush, you hear the Lysol spray- You don't hear the hands being washed….
←Rate | 02-22-2011 08:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once asked my Dad if it was ok to love a midget, he said son- It just depends if you're nuts over her.
←Rate | 02-23-2011 09:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing worse than getting paid on Friday, after you spent your entire check on Thursday
←Rate | 02-25-2011 08:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon That's the last time I go there for breakfast, nothing ruins an appetite faster than a waitress that has so much facial hair she looks like Chewbacca's sister, eggs anyone???? I also cant help but wonder what this lady's shower drain looks like :/
←Rate | 02-25-2011 09:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Outraged that Charlie Sheen turned down my offer to do a spin off show called 2 ½ grams…
←Rate | 03-02-2011 15:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has decided to file a lawsuit against Trojan for royalties, my dad keeps telling me I'm the reason they invented condoms.
←Rate | 03-03-2011 13:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm starting a cult, calling it Sheenism, you pretty much just get drunk and do whatever the hell you want, but you get a free What Would Charlie do Bracelet.
←Rate | 03-03-2011 13:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon If evolution is true, apes would still be evolving into humans.
←Rate | 03-04-2011 01:35 by Sean Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is nothing worse than being stuck in a car with cold feet and having dog sh*t on your shoes :/
←Rate | 03-04-2011 08:51 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Am I the only one who watches prescription drug commercials and while they are listing the side effects like, dementia, loss of vision, and thoughts of suicide, suddenly think of an ex?
←Rate | 03-07-2011 14:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was getting ready for a costume party, and tried leaving the house in my boxers holding a bottle of wine, my gf asked me what are you doing, I said I am going as Charlie Sheen..
←Rate | 03-08-2011 08:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off everything and let the problem solve itself
←Rate | 03-08-2011 13:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.
←Rate | 03-14-2011 15:41 by SEAN Comments (1)  

   messageicon I found out I have CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical they should be
←Rate | 03-18-2011 13:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon She was like the apple God warned Adam and Eve about
←Rate | 03-24-2011 09:02 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon After a long first game the Cubs seem to have been mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, Congrats to Ryan Dumpster, 6 runs in 6 innings not a bad start..
←Rate | 04-01-2011 16:39 by SEAN Comments (0)  

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