Gabe Funny Status Messages

   I don't care how old I am. If a toy says "Try Me" on it, I'm pushing those buttons...

   I do crunches twice a day now. Captain in the morning and Nestle in the afternoon...

   About to pull these steaks off the grill. It's my neighbor's grill, but he went inside and I don't think he can see me...

   Blocked someone for correcting my grammer and it feelded so good...

   Everyone talking about Pelosi ripping up Trump's speech, but we've all done questionable things when we were that drunk...

   Cops just left. They said if I want to walk around my house naked, I have to do it inside...

   I'm awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time...

   I never know if I have free time or if I just keep forgetting stuff...

   Looks like Bloomberg got stopped and frisked during the debate...

   Oh I can walk the walk. Just don't ask me to jog the jog or run the run...

   Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving...

   Remember to double check lawn signs during the election primaries. I just tried to vote for a real estate agent...

   If your dog understands several human words and you don't understand any dog barks, then your dog may be smarter than you...

   I used to drink a lot in the '80's. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?

   Some of you all went from homemade, natural, all organic cleaning products to Clorox real fast...

   Cough, Through, Though, Rough... none of these words rhyme. But for some reason, Pony and Bologna do...

   If you don't own a TV then how do you know which way to point the furniture?

   I started homeschooling today. So far two students are suspended and the teacher was fired for drinking on the job...

   Virus Tip - If you run out of toilet paper, just spray Pam between your butt cheeks and poop won't stick. Don't ask how I know this...

   Becoming skinny this summer is cancelled due to the virus. Pass the cupcakes...