daheavy1 Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It's embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn't sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing
←Rate | 09-09-2012 16:33 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dumped a cross eyed girl. I thought she was seeing someone els
←Rate | 09-12-2012 10:01 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.
←Rate | 09-22-2012 11:32 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't use your turn signals, you should not be trusted with the rest of the car either.
←Rate | 09-22-2012 11:35 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "That's what" -She
←Rate | 09-29-2012 01:42 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm making a list of people I like. The ones who say "autumn" instead of "fall" are the first ones I'm crossing off
←Rate | 11-07-2012 20:31 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should give the girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor a cat.
←Rate | 03-20-2013 15:36 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has it worse than the duck that's allergic to gluten.
←Rate | 05-13-2013 20:08 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you fat when you use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
←Rate | 05-21-2013 13:26 by Daheavy1 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn't even apply for a job there
←Rate | 05-31-2013 18:23 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a man who takes selfies
←Rate | 07-07-2013 19:04 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
←Rate | 07-16-2013 19:28 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
←Rate | 07-16-2013 19:29 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I'm not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
←Rate | 07-23-2013 12:37 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 12 years of school and I'm still not sure if it's “grey” or “gray”
←Rate | 08-03-2013 01:16 by Daheavy1 Comments (4)  


   messageicon I wonder if the spouses of umpires get thrown out of the house for arguing.
←Rate | 09-07-2013 12:04 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't need a parachute to skydive. You do need a parachute to skydive twice.
←Rate | 10-11-2013 07:20 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
←Rate | 10-16-2013 21:48 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cougar sightings in my neighborhood over the past couple days... I'm going to lay out a trap in my yard with Journey's 'Greatest Hits' and a nice cabernet.
←Rate | 12-23-2013 13:17 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone. And if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
←Rate | 02-15-2014 12:22 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  




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