Reznor Funny Status Messages

   Whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously never grew marijuana...

   it poontang or punetang? Need to know fast, I'm writing a sympathy card.

   Gonna dress in drag and head on up to Chik-Fil-A!

   Im starting to worry that my Guardian Angel is a crack head!

   I wasnt planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

   its no longer the little birdy that told you something. now days its "i seen it on facebook."

   "Thank god that day is over"-- Chikens

   China has really impressed me in the Olympics. They use the same person for every event!

   What if the dryer didnt take a sock, but actually gave us an extra sock - Some stoned dude

   Seeing the physique of the male swimmers in the relay today made me wanna do something. So I sat up, ate ice cream, and cried myself to sleep...

   So I told my wife I wanted to try anal sex. She told me she had been having sex with an A-Hole for years.

   If I let you control the music in my car, it means I would probably take a bullet for you.

   I always wonder what the weather men in Arizona do with their time slot. "Well people all week, hot and no rain!" Back to you Jim.

   I just got flipped off from a guy in a smart car. I didnt know if I should be mad or laugh.

   My wife got naked and asked me to "show her a good time" so I showed her photos of me and my friends before we got married.

   My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot.

   I've got the moves like jagger! Just kidding, I dance like a retarded penguin.

   Kim Kardashian settles lawsuit with Old Navy over stealing her likeness; also settles with The Gap over stealing her nickname.

   I swear girls can be so ungrateful sometimes, I made her breakfast in bed, and instead of saying "Thank you", she's all like... "How the hell did you get into my house?!?!"

   Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they're absolutely right because smart men don't get married.