snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'll defend puppies & kittens with my life.. But if your kid's acting like a spoiled brat...I will ABSOLUTELY knock him over when you're not looking.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 08:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Molasses is surprisingly tasty,,,, However, I have to admit,,, I have never actually tried any other parts of a mole yet,,so,,,,,,
←Rate | 12-13-2011 13:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Math Problem: If Matt has 16 oz of coffee and loses 4 oz at each of 5 speed bumps going into work, how many seconds until Matt kills everyone?
←Rate | 03-21-2012 20:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn,, went to 2 Birthday parties,, ran 6 miles,, then told a BUNCH of lies on Facebook.
←Rate | 05-19-2012 13:51 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 42,337 times,, and you are a weather man.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 07:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just won an award for being lazy,,,It even came with atrophy
←Rate | 04-11-2012 07:02 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can you even imagine how long the Carfax report is on the Batmobile
←Rate | 10-12-2013 14:37 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert
←Rate | 10-17-2012 22:57 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's now a Taco Bell taco with a shell made out of Doritos?,, Hmmm, It seems that our junk foods have started hunting each other.
←Rate | 03-12-2012 17:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask ,, " Notice anything different?'................. * works EVERY time
←Rate | 04-24-2014 10:35 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twenty percent of all relationships fail because someone buys a selfie stick.
←Rate | 09-27-2015 19:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait until Whole Foods starts selling "Mars Water" for 50 bucks a bottle.
←Rate | 09-30-2015 20:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your car took up two spaces,, So I tried to move it over with my key.
←Rate | 04-28-2015 23:18 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I already want to take a nap tomorrow
←Rate | 05-03-2012 15:55 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.. Please don't buy it.
←Rate | 04-26-2012 06:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think "Don't Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills.
←Rate | 11-08-2012 18:19 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just paid 2 dollars in quarters to put air in my tire... This inflation is out of control.
←Rate | 12-14-2012 18:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only 10 days until Facebook is stacked with return to the gym statuses and pictures of salads.
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they're flying too close together?
←Rate | 03-27-2014 08:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tuesday on 'Ancient Hoarders' - A concerned Jerusalem couple fights to save their son Noah from his spiraling animal collection.
←Rate | 11-11-2012 14:41 by snotty Comments (0)  


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