MDS Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Waking up to Monday is kinda like the Mayans being right.
←Rate | 01-14-2013 07:30 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently there was a big misunderstanding yesterday, between me and the cute little Japanese girl that was cutting my hair. as I explained to the officer, How was I suppose to know what she meant when she asked me if I'd like a "brow job".
←Rate | 05-22-2013 07:59 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is a photo of Obama circulating around FB showing how much he's grayed over the past 4 years since becoming president.. It's hard to believe that one man could age so much worrying about his next round of golf.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 22:13 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Winds up to 108 mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...sure is making this texting while driving a real challenge.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:56 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men have "The Man Cave", but, when polled what the female version should be called the #1 answer was "The Maxie Pad" with "The Kitchen" and "The Laundry Room" coming in 2nd and 3rd respectively
←Rate | 07-03-2012 10:29 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I walked out to get the newspaper this morning and the neighbor had already picked his up.
←Rate | 02-10-2013 08:21 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I was at Home Depot the other night when she informed me she'd like a golden shower... what happened next has me sleeping on the couch for a long time.
←Rate | 09-13-2013 15:13 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wife put dishwasher tablets on the shopping list. Damn, if I'd known that's what it took I'd bought her the pills sooner
←Rate | 09-27-2013 18:11 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon While looking down at my shorts, my wife said "well somebodies happy to see me" To which I replied "No its just a Samsung Galaxy MEGA in my pocket"
←Rate | 04-16-2013 17:53 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon gave my wife a Klondike bar...still waiting to see what she's going to do
←Rate | 05-08-2012 21:15 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was eating lunch today at a local restaurant and saw a sign in their window saying "Waitress wanted". So, I called the police station and told them where she was.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 15:40 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes, life is like a jar of jalapenos.... What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
←Rate | 10-21-2013 11:17 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so cold out... the guy at Super America has a towel on his head.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:45 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon *ATTENTION* I have a copy of tomorrows newspaper complete with sports scores, police blotters, and other interesting facts!.. I'm selling this for $352.83 a true bargain!! I can deliver the newspaper anytime tomorrow after 9:00 am
←Rate | 10-29-2012 17:20 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 16:02 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today when you are looking at your pay-stub, keep in mind that the 48 million people on welfare like you!!
←Rate | 11-02-2012 07:42 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon the fact that she loves anal is awesome...I just wish she'd layoff the hot peppers!
←Rate | 04-23-2012 14:58 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I walked in on my son flushing handfuls of Skittles down the toilet "OMG! Check this out Dad!" He said excitedly "It's just like watching NASCAR at Bristol!"
←Rate | 10-10-2016 16:59 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon When this Ho on Maury found out that the 36th dude tested wasn't the Father, she ran so far backstage, I flipped the Channel and she was running across the set of ESPN!
←Rate | 01-09-2013 10:54 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon The next four weeks is going to be incredibly difficult for people whose grandmother's actually have been ran over by reindeer.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 11:01 by MDS Comments (0)  

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