Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A person who says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Has never been hit with a large dictionary.
←Rate | 09-03-2017 02:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
←Rate | 06-14-2018 18:14 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:16 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:35 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had 21 minutes of doggie style sex last night. That's 3 minutes in human time.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 21:14 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The one good thing about an egotist. They don't talk about other people.
←Rate | 06-20-2018 23:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 21:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got gas today for a $1.39....... unfortunately it was from Taco Bell.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 03:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decision: Believing we're from the government and we're here to help you.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 03:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I injured my privets in a surfing accident. I slam my laptop closed when my wife walked into the room.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?
←Rate | 02-13-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon AA meetings would be less boring if you could drink at them.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad my boss can't hear what I'm thinking.
←Rate | 10-02-2017 22:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
←Rate | 08-18-2018 06:05 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I'm left with the maniac.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a homeless man I was going to give a dollar to untill I read the sign he was holding that read "One day this could be you." So I put the dollar back in my pocket in case he may be right.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the teacher pointed her ruler at me and said their's an idiot at the end of this ruler. I said which end?
←Rate | 03-07-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon A woman arrested for prostitution. Judge: How do you plead? Woman: Not guilty. I'm a sales woman. Judge: What do you sell ? Woman: Condoms with a free demontration.
←Rate | 05-16-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  




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