totalpackage Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I heard they found the deadly Egyptian cobra that was missing from the Bronx Zoo.....It was in Lindsay Lohan's purse!
←Rate | 04-01-2011 16:27 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry ladies, no more Ding Dongs---and sorry fella's, no more Ho Ho's...R.I.P. Hostess! ツ
←Rate | 11-16-2012 13:27 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm proud to come from a family of work-a-holics.....Everytime someone mentions work, we all get drunk! ツ
←Rate | 11-02-2011 20:20 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come I always get the fortune cookie that likes to be a smart-ass?
←Rate | 12-22-2011 02:20 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it when deer decide to commit suicide they always choose my car as the weapon of choice!? :/
←Rate | 08-15-2011 03:27 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I may be getting too old for a holiday metro vest and skinny jeans....Which most likely explains the weird looks I was getting when I split my pants while shopping at Hot Topic!
←Rate | 11-22-2011 14:27 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seems kinda strange we couldn't get even one post mortem pic of Bin Laden but nobody seems to mind Gadhafi showing up at back yard picnics and local supermarket meat freezers like he's starring in the sequel to "A Weekend At Bernie's".....Go figure!
←Rate | 10-22-2011 02:31 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bought my girlfriend a 10lb bag of future diamonds for Christmas...Thank you Kingsford!
←Rate | 11-29-2011 14:48 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon heard Chaz Bono insisted he be paired with a female partner on "Dancing With The Stars" so ABC immediately went out and got Richard Simmons!
←Rate | 08-29-2011 01:52 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon has become a master at using shake weights...I guess those trombone lessons paid off after all!
←Rate | 07-27-2011 13:43 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind drinking 1% milk as long as the other other 99% is some combination of vodka and Kahlua.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 14:47 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon My pharmacist mixed up my Valiuum prescription with Viaagra...It didn't help my anxiety much, but it gave me a great place to hang my hat! ツ
←Rate | 10-13-2011 09:22 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon it just me or does Pink's new hair do make her look like Mo Howard?
←Rate | 03-17-2011 02:55 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bye bye "San-butt-sky"!!! 422 years won't be so bad...With good bahavior you'll be out in 200 or so...So long dirtbag!!!
←Rate | 06-22-2012 23:29 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you live anywhere near the "Occupy Wall Street" protest, I suggest you NOT dress up as a Port-O-Potty this Halloween!
←Rate | 10-28-2011 22:32 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn, it's muggy out there.....I'm sweatin' worse than John Travolta's massage therapist! ツ
←Rate | 05-16-2012 13:24 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I still don't understand why these Christmas Carolers get spooked so easily....They act like they've never had a potato gun fired at them before! ツ
←Rate | 12-21-2011 02:35 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon With Lindsay Lohan doubling duty between a Playboy shoot and working at the L.A. county morgue, it should be interesting to see what she wears for Halloween...I haven't spotted any zombie, prison striped, part time lesbian, boozing, kleptomaniac, playboy
←Rate | 10-29-2011 17:25 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon My car is getting pressure washed...So far, Sandy is dandy!
←Rate | 10-29-2012 01:35 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just noticed that giving the Kirby vacuum salesman a pot brownie made the price of the unit much more negotiable! ツ
←Rate | 11-19-2011 10:04 by totalpackage Comments (0)  



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