mds Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My wife gets really annoyed when I make sexual requests. The other night, I asked her if we could try the 'praying mantis' position and she tore my head off
←Rate | 04-28-2013 11:39 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor said that jogging could add years to my life. I didn't believe him at first, but I went this afternoon and I feel ten years older already
←Rate | 04-26-2013 17:09 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon He came hopping out of nowhere... I nearly spilled my beer, while I was driving along texting with the radio cranked up. Suddenly, I seen a flash of gray followed up with a "thump-thump!" Anyway Happy Easter! Sorry if you didn't get anything, my bad.
←Rate | 03-27-2016 09:20 by MDS Comments (1)  


   messageicon Remember the theme song from the Adams family?.. trust me, you will all day ;) dabba-da-bump *snap*snap
←Rate | 10-19-2012 08:00 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon my wife got mad at me because I ate all six Klondike bars, but it's only obvious that she wasn't willing to do what it took to get one ;)
←Rate | 08-15-2013 21:44 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber's music is actually really good!...Once you turn the volume down all the way.
←Rate | 04-07-2013 18:20 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I'm older than the Internet.
←Rate | 04-26-2013 07:40 by MDS Comments (1)  


   messageicon 'Nelson Mandela dies at 95' Respect where it's due... That's 5 miles an hour faster than Paul Walker!
←Rate | 12-05-2013 17:51 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon The US is ranked 25th in math scores...this isn't any surprise to me, our elected leaders can't even ballance a budget.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 07:27 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon *Breaking News: North Korea's scientists claim to have developed a time machine. Translation: They figured out how to make a clock.
←Rate | 04-14-2013 13:06 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently there was a big misunderstanding yesterday, between me and the cute little Japanese girl that was cutting my hair. as I explained to the officer, How was I suppose to know what she meant when she asked me if I'd like a "brow job".
←Rate | 05-22-2013 07:59 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I walked out to get the newspaper this morning and the neighbor had already picked his up.
←Rate | 02-10-2013 08:21 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Winds up to 108 mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...sure is making this texting while driving a real challenge.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:56 by mds Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men have "The Man Cave", but, when polled what the female version should be called the #1 answer was "The Maxie Pad" with "The Kitchen" and "The Laundry Room" coming in 2nd and 3rd respectively
←Rate | 07-03-2012 10:29 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waking up to Monday is kinda like the Mayans being right.
←Rate | 01-14-2013 07:30 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I was at Home Depot the other night when she informed me she'd like a golden shower... what happened next has me sleeping on the couch for a long time.
←Rate | 09-13-2013 15:13 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is a photo of Obama circulating around FB showing how much he's grayed over the past 4 years since becoming president.. It's hard to believe that one man could age so much worrying about his next round of golf.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 22:13 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold out... the guy at Super America has a towel on his head.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:45 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was eating lunch today at a local restaurant and saw a sign in their window saying "Waitress wanted". So, I called the police station and told them where she was.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 15:40 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes, life is like a jar of jalapenos.... What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
←Rate | 10-21-2013 11:17 by MDS Comments (0)  



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