jitney Funny Status Messages

   I'm so old, I grew up in an era where your 3D was a View Masters and you sit in the living room clickin about 15 slides. There's your Movie in HD and 3D!!!

   You know you are addicted to Facebook when you log off Facebook..... turn your computer off.... go to bed, roll over & put the covers on you and log onto your Facebook from your phone one last time for the night.

   I asked a question and this kid said "GOOGLE IT".....You and this Dammmm Google everything Generation!....If the power was to ever cut off, we are so in trouble!

   I promised my boss i'd come in early for work on monday Aint that a great April fool's prank......

   I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!

   Life would be a million times better if there were pinatas strategically placed throughout the day.

   From now on I will only accept apologies in cash......

   Nothing Screams "You're stuck in friend's Zone" like when she tags you as her brother on FB

   Guess whose filing for a divorce....Tom's wife from Myspace!

   Im relocating to Colorado, I just heard the news; Colorado is now a weed state. I can smoke while voting next time around!

   When your clean you use SOAP, when your dirty you use SOPA.......

   I'm a leader not a follower! Unless its a dark place, then F that, you're going first!

   For Thxgiving, sent out a noticed to all my wierd family to BYOF menu...that's Bring Your Own Food, cuz I cant keep up with all the Vegans, gulton-free, diabetics, sugarfree, only-carbs diet, no-carbs diet, and the no water diet people in my family.

   "Melania's Speech was 100% real... Trust Me I was THERE!" - Brian Williams

   My friend asked my advice on how to impress his date. I suggested that I go in his place.

   Who is ready to celebrate "No More Campaing" Adds on Wednesday? Ive got the beer!

   She texted me, "Are you near your phone" I texted her back, "No" She replied, "well text me when you are!"

   Shouldn't those polar bears have diabetes by now???? #tooMuchCoke

   "Stupid Left Shark takes one misstep during a Super Bowl and now he is famous " - Right Shark(-_-)

   Two things that most people want. 1. Lose weight 2. Eat