jake Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:

Search results for status messages containing 'jake': View All Messages
Page: 3 of 17

   messageicon So cold in D.C. today that the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
←Rate | 01-02-2018 03:12 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon "The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
←Rate | 01-22-2010 07:35 by jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so glad my boss can't hear what I'm thinking.
←Rate | 10-02-2017 22:44 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (2)  

   messageicon I injured my privets in a surfing accident. I slam my laptop closed when my wife walked into the room.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:52 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?
←Rate | 02-13-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon AA meetings would be less boring if you could drink at them.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:32 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I once was brave enough to shave my privates with a straight razor. But now I don't have the balls to do it again.
←Rate | 01-18-2018 21:25 by JAKE Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It's the coming back home part that bothers me.
←Rate | 03-28-2018 00:05 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon When my son got his driver's license. He ask if I would get him something cheap to run around in. So I got him a pair of Keds sneakers.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 05:07 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't always know what my wife is saying....... She can talk 50% faster than I can listen
←Rate | 05-02-2018 14:37 by Jake Comments (2)  

   messageicon What dad's really would like for father'r day. To be left alone so they can drink their beer in peace.
←Rate | 06-16-2018 22:48 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid I could climb mountians. Now I have to steady my self to fart.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never make any plans unless I have a way of getting out of them.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 14:45 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to look like a productive hubby. Add things to your to do list that dosen't need to be done. So you'll have things crossed off when your wife checks the list.
←Rate | 10-18-2017 01:00 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon My memaw suffers from furniture disease. Her chest has fallen into her drawers.
←Rate | 02-24-2018 22:17 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon Arguing with your wife is like buying a lottery ticket. You probably won't win but you still give it a try.
←Rate | 04-13-2018 04:50 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I found out that the sperm bank paid for donations. I realised that I had let a fortune slip through my fingers.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  

   messageicon How to save money this Halloween. Place an empty bowl out with a sign. Please only take one piece of candy.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 18:45 by Jake Comments (0)  

[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left