Truman Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It seems only yesterday, my dear old mum telling me to wash my food before eating it! A lovely woman, but terrible sandwiches!
←Rate | 02-02-2019 02:22 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife brought home a tub of ice-cream and asked if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. She cheekily replied, "As hard as you when you're thinking about me naked!". I said "Go on then, pour me a glass."
←Rate | 09-06-2018 01:21 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was kind of surprised at all the swearing when I unplugged the church organ to charge my phone?
←Rate | 02-21-2019 01:37 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Because of Shania Twain I haven't been impressed much since 1997.
←Rate | 02-02-2019 06:39 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would pay so much money to watch the Harlem Globetrotters change a baby!
←Rate | 12-02-2018 10:15 by Truman Comments (1)  


   messageicon It's not so much that I love karate as that I hate wooden - planks!
←Rate | 09-14-2018 10:27 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Did you check your pockets?” - to a kangaroo who’s lost a child!
←Rate | 09-24-2018 17:55 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Would it be legal to have a VERY loud duck-call in place of the more conventional car-horn..if it was operated in the same way?
←Rate | 09-26-2018 03:53 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to view a house on a Native American reservation! "I like it" I said "Does it come with running water?" "Go to Hell Paleface" He replied.."Get your own wife!"
←Rate | 07-31-2018 09:22 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I, put commas, in, weird places, so that you, read my jokes, like, William Shatner!
←Rate | 10-02-2018 02:56 by Truman Comments (1)  


   messageicon The downside of fame! I can't walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately being harassed and hounded by a waiter waving a bill?
←Rate | 02-02-2019 06:34 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll bet people with Tourette's make awful anatomy teachers!!
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:29 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember going to see Dr Hook in the 80s. Worst prostate exam ever!! 😲
←Rate | 11-25-2018 06:32 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can drive a woman wild with my tongue! I say..‘Have you put weight on?’
←Rate | 09-18-2018 16:41 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet kangaroos get tired of holding all of their friend's keys and phones while they're at the beach?
←Rate | 10-24-2018 16:02 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twerking and selfie have been officially added to the dictionary. Future and Optimism have been removed.
←Rate | 10-23-2013 20:48 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't need to change your shirt after eating a hot dog you're not doing it right!
←Rate | 09-22-2018 13:14 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What's the new baby's name?" "We don't know..we can't understand a word he says!"
←Rate | 09-23-2018 07:24 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon My piano playing must be improving, as my neighbours have broken all my windows so they can hear me better!!
←Rate | 09-26-2018 19:23 by Truman Comments (0)  


   messageicon British PhD student Matthew Hedges has been pardoned in the United Arab Emirates! All he has to do is visit the Embassy to pick up his papers!
←Rate | 11-26-2018 12:55 by Truman Comments (0)  




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