Snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
←Rate | 11-05-2013 13:02 by snotty Comments (2)  


   messageicon Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
←Rate | 10-20-2013 07:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Teen at Starbucks asked if I could take her selfie. I said that would just be a photo.... She's still blinking at me.
←Rate | 05-25-2015 12:14 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just learned the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million..... How long did someone have to stay awake to figure that out?
←Rate | 04-13-2013 10:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?.. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?
←Rate | 09-05-2016 15:50 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I bite into a York peppermint patty,, I get the sensation,,,,,, That I should have bought a Reese's peanut butter cup...
←Rate | 07-02-2012 20:42 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll defend puppies & kittens with my life.. But if your kid's acting like a spoiled brat...I will ABSOLUTELY knock him over when you're not looking.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 08:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whole Foods sells $10 gift cards... The perfect gift for a loved one who wants two onions.
←Rate | 10-28-2012 23:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Molasses is surprisingly tasty,,,, However, I have to admit,,, I have never actually tried any other parts of a mole yet,,so,,,,,,
←Rate | 12-13-2011 13:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So sad that out of 200 countries in this world,, America ranks 35th in the world in math... But at least that keeps us still in the top 10%
←Rate | 06-12-2012 09:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Math Problem: If Matt has 16 oz of coffee and loses 4 oz at each of 5 speed bumps going into work, how many seconds until Matt kills everyone?
←Rate | 03-21-2012 20:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 19:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 42,337 times,, and you are a weather man.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 07:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just won an award for being lazy,,,It even came with atrophy
←Rate | 04-11-2012 07:02 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can you even imagine how long the Carfax report is on the Batmobile
←Rate | 10-12-2013 14:37 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon PRO TIP: You can put a baseball card between the spokes on a Prius, and make it sound like a real car
←Rate | 10-12-2013 15:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert
←Rate | 10-17-2012 22:57 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's now a Taco Bell taco with a shell made out of Doritos?,, Hmmm, It seems that our junk foods have started hunting each other.
←Rate | 03-12-2012 17:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask ,, " Notice anything different?'................. * works EVERY time
←Rate | 04-24-2014 10:35 by snotty Comments (0)  




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