SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.
←Rate | 03-05-2012 17:23 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don't think you're supposed call people that any more."
←Rate | 09-12-2013 11:08 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My divorce judge told me I needed to supply my xwife with a vehicle, I just UPSD'd her a broom
←Rate | 04-20-2011 14:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I was in a gang so I knew what do to with my hands in pictures.
←Rate | 10-17-2012 14:20 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best feeling in the world is when someone you hate tells a joke and nobody laughs.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 08:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon One thing parenting has taught me- telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows
←Rate | 11-06-2014 17:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My psychiatrist prescribed me an odd number of pills for my OCD and I'M THE ONE WHO'S CRAZY?!
←Rate | 01-17-2014 11:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 11:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're genuinely surprised about Kim Kardashian getting divorced, I need to tell you something about Santa Claus...
←Rate | 11-03-2011 10:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
←Rate | 09-15-2011 14:01 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear if I see one more person enter this WalMart wearing pajamas I am going to take the belt off my bathrobe and choke them with it
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got a new Easy-Bake Oven for the blanket fort, don't tell me how to impress a woman.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 08:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn't just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 12:10 by SEAN Comments (2)  


   messageicon What if they keep the name Redskins, but change the mascot to a potato....
←Rate | 10-16-2013 10:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a child, I used to play with an imaginary man who lived in a well. He'd be all, "Please, I'm not imaginary!" and I'd just laugh and laugh
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to think the Jackson family might have some problems.
←Rate | 07-30-2012 16:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its taken me 20 some odd years to figure out who was the favorite child, until I went to my moms basement last week and found a box labled Sean's bath toys- It was a radio and toaster..
←Rate | 05-06-2011 08:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police always seem disappointed when they realize those bits of foil on the floor of my car are just old Hersheys Kiss wrappers not drugs.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 10:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon One thing you always pay full price for is other peoples mistakes...
←Rate | 08-28-2012 08:13 by SEAN Comments (0)  



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