Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I swear some people were conceived through anal sex. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 19:52 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is one of those days where I wish I could restore myself to the factory settings.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 17:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just sold a lawn mower on eBay. That will be the last time my neighbor wakes me up on a Saturday morning.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 22:04 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
←Rate | 03-29-2011 19:42 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
←Rate | 03-07-2011 20:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, it's about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 16:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
←Rate | 09-05-2012 16:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling...
←Rate | 04-30-2012 20:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.
←Rate | 08-19-2012 23:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  


   messageicon I hate when I'm tired and sleepy, but when I go to bed my body says "just kidding."
←Rate | 05-30-2011 01:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't be stupid, if their ex is still calling its because they're still getting an answer.
←Rate | 04-01-2012 16:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did 26 situps this morning. It's not a lot, but then again how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock?
←Rate | 03-06-2011 00:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl told me that her fantasy f*ck would be Brad Pitt. Then she went mental because I told her mine. Apparently Amber from next door wasn't a good answer,
←Rate | 08-04-2011 04:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 15:55 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 13:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reason why I check my voice mail... 5% Because I care about my missed calls, 95% to remove that annoying icon.
←Rate | 07-08-2011 14:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
←Rate | 07-18-2010 21:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 23:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Billion Dollar Idea: A condom that changes color when it comes in contact with an STD.
←Rate | 01-13-2013 15:16 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  



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