MTQ Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump

Search Messages:

Search results for status messages containing 'MTQ': View All Messages
Page: 3 of 8

   messageicon Yes, m@sturbation is a pleasant, yet quick diversion. Scratching one's own b@lls however, can provide hours and hours of limitless entertainment. At least that's what my dad says.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 21:27 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forget Vi@gra. They need to invent a pill that'll make a girl like me for four hours.
←Rate | 01-28-2012 09:13 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was texting on phone with my mom. She asked me if the weather was really bad. I typed, "Nah", but autocorrect spelled: 'Nag'. Now she won't take my calls.
←Rate | 08-27-2012 11:59 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Someday we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 00:45 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I believe I've just serendipitously solved the world's energy crisis. They need to start using English Muffins as insulation. Those things retain heat for an eternity after they pop out of the toaster. (I didn't need these fingertips anyway.)
←Rate | 07-29-2011 12:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I walk into the 7/11, and the female clerk says, "You look JUST like my fourth husband!" I said, "'ve been married four times?' She goes, "No. Three."
←Rate | 08-29-2011 05:02 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.
←Rate | 11-04-2012 15:53 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe Charmin Bathroom Tissue. I shared with them a great marketing slogan, and they rejected it: "Just like the Starship Enterprise, Charmin circles Uranus in search of Klingons."
←Rate | 07-30-2011 13:03 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw one of those Hummercars with handicapped tags on it. I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'
←Rate | 12-25-2012 18:44 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girl in new relationship: I HAVE THE GREATEST MAN EVER! HE'S WONDERFUL! A week later...after she catches him cheating: THAT NO GOOD &*(^! I'LL NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN! Next day: I HAVE THE GREATEST MAN EVER! HE'S WONDERFUL!
←Rate | 12-21-2011 12:51 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Camping. Camping? Listen up Mr. and Mrs.Field and Stream...My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 with no cable.
←Rate | 08-27-2011 11:54 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I'm going to go to the trouble of wishing your sorry, unknown, only 87 friends a$$ a happy birthday, the least you could do is acknowledge it with a "like".
←Rate | 07-28-2011 20:45 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon 3 Tampons are walking down the street, Maxi, Slim, and Ultra. Which one says "Hello"? None, they're all stuck up c**ts!!!
←Rate | 09-13-2011 10:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Marriage is like a deck of cards: In the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
←Rate | 01-15-2012 09:32 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Man, I could go for some mechanically separated chicken right about now.
←Rate | 09-21-2011 12:01 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hahahaha!!! Pour me some more Champagne! Fuck!n' A! WOO HOO! YAY! YAY! ~Little Debbie
←Rate | 11-17-2012 13:45 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
←Rate | 08-31-2011 23:38 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon All hot women should be seen in 3-D. That's my apartment #. 3-D.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 11:02 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Florida Folks: "♫ ♫ We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun. ♫ ♫" Up North Folks: "F**k you, Florida."
←Rate | 03-24-2013 10:46 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon 2012 has arrived on schedule. Please wait until the New Year has come to a complete STOP before unfastening your seatbelts....
←Rate | 01-01-2012 08:41 by MTQ Comments (0)  

[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left