Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon 500 years ago when men went to war it was common for them to force their wives to wear chastity belts while they were away.Therfore only a locksmith could remove these chastity belts. This explains why 'Smith' is the most common name in the phonebook...
←Rate | 03-27-2010 13:36 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boss questioned my enthusiasm today. I can't believe he woke me up just to tell me that.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 12:11 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have no problem giving credit where credit is due. It's giving payment where payment is due is where I struggle.
←Rate | 02-19-2010 21:12 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon An Officer came to me and asked "Where were you between 4 and 6?" I responded "Kindergarten."
←Rate | 05-21-2010 17:39 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why do I need scissors to open a pack of scissors? The whole point of buying scissors is that I don't f*cking have any!
←Rate | 04-23-2010 03:53 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm thinking of re-releasing my old statuses in 3D.
←Rate | 10-02-2010 07:38 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whoever decided that a one inch Mars bar should be called 'fun size' needs to seriously re-examine their standards for entertainment.
←Rate | 12-12-2009 04:50 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least,that's what the restraining order says.
←Rate | 02-20-2010 21:56 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle.
←Rate | 01-12-2013 14:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love Facebook. It's the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.
←Rate | 02-06-2010 03:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
←Rate | 09-15-2010 13:35 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's been announced that Nigeria has 22,980,000 internet users. I've received emails from every single one.
←Rate | 04-13-2010 07:33 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Promises are like babies: easy to make but hard to deliver.
←Rate | 06-14-2010 12:34 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
←Rate | 07-04-2010 14:54 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon There's nothing wrong with having sex with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 01:52 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Most popular iPhone App of the month: Public Telephone Box Locator.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 18:40 by lemonpillow Comments (5)  

   messageicon A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
←Rate | 12-27-2009 20:22 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Legally,It's questionable. Morally,It's disgusting. Personally,I like it.
←Rate | 01-10-2011 15:34 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whats better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.
←Rate | 07-29-2010 13:58 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

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