Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon annoyed that these guys like Clooney, Cruise, and DeNiro are all picking me as their celebrity look-alike. Get a life losers.
←Rate | 01-30-2010 14:16 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only president who didn't blame the previous administration for all his troubles was George Washington.
←Rate | 06-04-2018 14:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A woman arrested for prostitution. Judge: How do you plead? Woman: Not guilty. I'm a sales woman. Judge: What do you sell ? Woman: Condoms with a free demontration.
←Rate | 05-16-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 21:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got gas today for a $1.39....... unfortunately it was from Taco Bell.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 03:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
←Rate | 07-12-2018 15:46 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon I once was brave enough to shave my privates with a straight razor. But now I don't have the balls to do it again.
←Rate | 01-18-2018 21:25 by JAKE Comments (0)  


   messageicon If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?
←Rate | 02-13-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I found out that the sperm bank paid for donations. I realised that I had let a fortune slip through my fingers.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It's the coming back home part that bothers me.
←Rate | 03-28-2018 00:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so glad my boss can't hear what I'm thinking.
←Rate | 10-02-2017 22:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.
←Rate | 10-11-2017 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I married a nymphomaniac. Now after 5 years of marriage, the nympho is gone. And I'm left with the maniac.
←Rate | 02-26-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
←Rate | 08-18-2018 06:05 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon There was a homeless man I was going to give a dollar to untill I read the sign he was holding that read "One day this could be you." So I put the dollar back in my pocket in case he may be right.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the teacher pointed her ruler at me and said their's an idiot at the end of this ruler. I said which end?
←Rate | 03-07-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 22:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say two heads are better than one. Untill it's their baby.
←Rate | 07-16-2018 03:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 00:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the first time I went into another room an actually remembered why I went there...... Ok so it was the bathroom but still I remembered.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 22:09 by Jake Comments (0)  




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