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X is the condoms I use are so sensitive, they stick around to talk to the chick for an hour after I leave."
X is All the Animals are on board and accounted for, Noah, but I've got bad news. The unicorns are gay."
X is Do you think the Man in the Yellow Hat mentions George on his Internet dating profile?"
X is my new excuse for leaving the bar early on a Saturday NIght: "I gotta Preach tomorrow."
X is I have a cold. it makes my voice sound like a sexy pirate."
X is I just realised Chewbacca carries a Purse!"
X is Oh didnt I tell you? Must have been none of your f*cking business."
X is Scientists they don't know why this is true, but it's true. Women with big rear ends live longer.. Men who tell them that, Don't."
X is OMG, you drink near beer? That's like when my sister circled all the Waldo's in my "Where's Waldo Book?" totally worthless and not enjoyable.
X is there is so many fun things to do at home that alot of people don't really think about doing but would if they were told about it.. Sitting in Hot tub and playing wii at the same time is one of them."
X is wondering why Dora never tells her parents about the fox that keeps stalking her."
X is now that were all out of the car, I'm just gonna tell everybody since I have to go to the bathroom now. That when everybody thought that it was a dead skunk on the road,.. that's not what it was."
X thinks it's Hotter Outside then a Las Vegas Sidewalk on the Fourth of July!.."
X is I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
X is Brett Favre retired today, I'm not Worried about it too much. It's kinda like when Snoop Dog quit's weed. It really means nothing."
X is Where did you get those shoes? Whores-for-less?"
X is I remember when I was younger "Friday the 13th" used to make think about Jason movies. Now all I can think about is "Do the bars have any specials today?"
X is do you know why kids think I'm Cool?.. Because I was raised to talk and think like a 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle' that's why."
X is You know I like my status updates like I like my mini skirts. Long enough to cover the important parts but short enough to keep things interesting."
X does anyone still miss the old facebook?.. yeah that's what I thought, sell-outs."