DeeX Funny Status Messages

   Does anyone remember the "occupy wallstreet" movement? Weren't they supposed to have been a big deal and get something done??? Talk about fizzle out like a bad fart.

   I'm seriously going to become a marriage councelor and whenever couples come to me, my therapy would be making them both browse through a dating website for 30 minutes.

   Did you guys hear about the new "Exorcist" movie? A woman hires the Devil to pull a priest out of her son. BADA BING BADA BOOM

   ATTENTION: Miley Cyrus is worth MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. She probably doesn't care what we think of her.

   A cop pulled me over last night. I let him off with a warning.

   I don't consider them one night stands. I prefer to call the auditions.

   Even though Kanye West DID NOT compare himself to Nelson Mandela, would it really surprise anyone if he actually had?

   Beware the "filters on every selfie" woman.

   Up until 2 days ago, thanks to my news feed, I didn't even know Dean Cain was even still alive.

   I wanna go kick a pigeon.

   You don't need a Corvette when you have a big pen*s