bego Funny Status Messages

   Kanye West should open a breakfast restaurant called "Omelette You Finish"

   BRB Means I'm not really going anywhere, but neither is this conversation..

   I feel old whenever someone tells me they were born in the 90's.

   Best thing ever is when you see your X-Girlfriend and she is now your XL-girlfriend.

   It's not that I need to manage my anger, it's that other people need to manage their stupidity.

   Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.

   Me: I cleaned all the dishes Mom: aren’t you going to put them away too? Me: you have to upgrade from the trial version to the full version

   I'm going to change my name to 'Benefits' Now when you add me on Facebook it will say "You are now friends with benefits."

   How to freak someone out. 1. Find someone on Facebook with the same name as you. 2. Steal their profile picture. 3. Poke them.

   I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."

   I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

   Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people

   LIKE if you text someone a paragraph and then 30 minutes later you get a damn lame reply saying "LOL".

   This hahaha guy just ignore him and dont rate his post he will be b gone. Trust me

   *sends text message* *gets a reply 45min later* "Oh so it's like that? Ok, then I'm gonna take twice as long to text back!"

   The wife and I just sat in a hot car and bickered for six hours. It was the same as going on vacation except we saved $1000.

   BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them.

   Second chances: When it just didn't hurt enough the first time.

   Horror movies don't scare me. Five missed calls from my mother scares me.

   Want people to not mess with you? Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle and walk down the street drinking it.