bego Funny Status Messages

   It's Friday night... So many innocent beers have no idea what's coming for 'em.

   PSA: You may “love” your boyfriend, But we'd all appreciate it if you didn't post it on Facebook every thirty seconds, thanks.

   Oh you got “Swag”? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application.

   If I was a homeless person, I would make a Coinstar costume and just sit outside of grocery stores.

   Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.

   If you're easy to get, then you're easy to forget.

   Every time I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the damn lock.

   My I.Q. goes from 125 to about 14 when there's a hot girl around.

   I'm on Twitter because my family is on Facebook.

   Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.

   If I was a cop and I pulled over a drunk driver, I would make them do the Macarena as their sobriety test.

   If you still talk about it, you still care about it.

   Sometimes you just have to be straight up with people or they will expect you to bend over backwards.

   Advancements in phone technology are making it really difficult for me to make new excuses as to why I am ignoring them.

   When my girlfriend is angry, I go to Facebook and constantly refresh my relationship status to see if I'm single again.

   Dear girls who take a pic in slutty clothing & glasses & label the caption "nerddd lol" You're not a nerd, you're a w$ore who found glasses

   Sometimes I ask myself “Why me?What have I done to deserve this?” Then, I say to myself, “Oh…right.”

   You're at starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I've never seen one before.

   Every girl has 3 personalities: 1) When she's with her family. 2) When she's with her friends. 3) When she's with HIM.

   Kanye West should open a breakfast restaurant called "Omelette You Finish"