Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages
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My baby just did something so smart that I'm thinking of ordering a maternity test
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How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb? No one knows. They never keep the house.
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Kentucky man wins 128 million dollar lottery. Says he will share winnings with his wife and sister. Lucky woman!
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I won't stand for gossip. I prefer to sit down and make myself comfortable.
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I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
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Love is blind. Hate is deaf. You'd think Stupid would be mute but I keep on talking.
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They say that three out of four Americans have a mental illness of some kind. Look at three of your friends. If they seem okay,then you're that person.
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The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the toilet.
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I wish the government would takeover all the Farmville land and sell it off Facebook to pay down the national debt
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I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a pun about limousines, but I have nothing to chauffeur it.
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I walked into my local newsagent and noticed he put a "NO READING IN THIS SHOP!" sign up. So I grabbed four bars of chocolate and said "Which one of these is a KitKat?"
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It's easy to get people dancing at parties. Just hold up the line for the bathroom.
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Never date a tennis player; to them love means nothing.
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Happy Birthday Eastenders! 25 years of bad acting and impossible storylines. And still we're hooked.
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Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.
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Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!
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If opportunity really wanted my attention, it would have rung the doorbell.
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Did you hear about the Chinese parents who gave birth to a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong."
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I wonder that when a bird gets a blow to the head,does it see a circle of flying humans?
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They say children brighten up the household. That's because they never turn out the ilghts.
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