Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   running with scissors!

   I hated Obama back when it wasn't cool to hate Obama.

   So obama is a descendent of the first slave, thats such a convenient discovery around election time. I guess nobody thought about checking his family tree four years ago. ancestry.com also discovered romney's ancestors were the first slave owners..

   The cops came to my house earlier saying that my dog had chased someone on a bike. I said, my dog doesn't have a bike

   If you watch Titanic backwards, . It is a heart warming tale of a Ship Which jumps out of the water And Saves lots of drowning people . . .

   Thank heaven 4-7-11

   Love's redeeming work is done. Fought the fight, the battle won. Death in vain forbids him rise, Christ has opened paradise! Alleluia he is risen

   lives in a pineapple under the sea.

   haha to the mosquito's who just bit me, enjoy the hangover tomorrow. haha

   thinking about sex, every 15 nanoseconds.

   When Obama was talking about " Change" in his Inaugural speech I didn't realize he was talking about that's all we would have left in our pockets.

   "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

   Paid a kid $20.00 to cut my grass - I've officially created more jobs this year than Obama.......

   Q)Why do women have foreheads? A)So men have a place to kiss them after a Blow job

   THE ALIENS ARE ATTACKING EARTH ON FRIDAY. THEIR PLAN IS TO KIDNAP ALL THE BEAUTIFUL & SEXY PEOPLE.. DONT WORRY, YOU'RE SAFE... I JUST WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE, PLEASE CHECK IN ON MY MOTHER IN LAW EVERY NOW AND THEN

   Did you hear Buckwheat from "the little rascals" became a Muslim? His new name is Kareem of Wheat

   Gone are the days that girls cooked like their mothers, because these days they drink like their fathers

   Sometimes, I wonder if anyone is secretly in love with me.

   Accidentally heard the first 15 seconds of a Toby Keith song, now the back of my hair grew 3 inches and my sister looks hot as sh*t.

   Mr Tickle wanted to marry the girl of his dreams. However, Tess was reluctant to take on his surname.