g0re Funny Status Messages

   Burger King and Dairy Queen got together for a little in-N-out burger and had Carl's Jr. He sing's about old McDonald's farm, his favorite toy is Jack in the box and his favorite cartoon is sonic. He grew up and married Wendy and Taco Bells were ringing.

   It sucks to live in the shadow of your older brother or sister. Imagine if Jesus Christ had a little brother or sister. How do you live up to THAT?

   It sucks when you walk into a room, and you can't remember what you went in there for, so then you leave, then a few minutes later you remember that you're a fireman, and a bunch of people just died.

   Homosexual has the same number of letters as cantaloupe. Coincidence? Yes.

   When your girlfriend has Taylor Swift lyrics as her status, you know you're either doing something very right, or something very wrong.

   The Secret life of the American teenager is less realistic than star wars. No father and daughter talk about sex that casually. "Hey amy, are you going to have sex with Ricky tonight?" "Well we're both emotionally & physically ready, so yeah." "okay, cool

   Its strange to think that decades from now, people might be dressing like US for Halloween, like they do for flappers, or hippies.

   Elementary math problems are weird."'I had 10 chocolate bars and ate 9 What do I have now?'" Oh, I don't know, DIABETES MAYBE."

   Since Congress declared that pizza is a vegetable you wouldn't be surprised if they made mayonnaise an instrument

   Waking up after a night out and knowing you could write The Hangover 3.

   I hate that awkad moment when a dumb b!tch likes a Facebook page called "I Hate Dumb B!tches."

   BIRTH: It goes in like a banana and comes out like a pineapple.

   Good: Your son's finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Worse: So are you

   Two men walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies

   Haters gon' hate, potatoes gon' potate.

   People in relationships are usually can cuddle but lonely people are like fml it's cold.

   I hate it when you're trying to watch proactive commercials but MTV shows keep interrupting.

   .I texted my girlfriend saying who sang 'Party Rock Anthem'. She replied 'LMFAO'. I don't get what's so funny?

   "Knock, knock," "Who's there?" "To.""To who?" "To whom."

   We all have that one class where when you're absent, you feel like you've missed a year when you come back.