Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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Page: 26 of 5331

   messageicon That psychic was terrible. She didn't even know I was going to run out without paying!
←Rate | 08-25-2010 23:17 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon After having her 20th child, Anna Duggar will no longer be on "19 and Counting"; instead, Discovery will feature her vagina as a baby making assembly line on "How it's Made"...
←Rate | 11-16-2010 23:22 by JoshL Comments (1)  

   messageicon : Everytime I hear the dirty word "excercise", I wash my mouth with chocolate.....
←Rate | 02-05-2010 11:32 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I find a bit of sick pleasure in holding the door for people that are still far away to force them into an awkward run
←Rate | 07-28-2011 10:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Google turned 12 this year, so now we have 1 more year to use it before it turns into a teenager and wont answer anything!
←Rate | 05-23-2011 10:42 by Rashad Hammoud Comments (1)  

   messageicon When people go underwater during movies, I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived that situation. I died at Finding Nemo.
←Rate | 02-17-2012 21:17 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon Enough With The Poking, Lets Just Have Sex
←Rate | 03-24-2010 12:58 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the Indians had given the pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey, we'd all be getting a piece of ass on Thanksgiving.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 19:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I love when people cut me off because they're in a rush, then I pull up next to them at the same red light.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 20:49 Comments (3)  

   messageicon If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
←Rate | 01-08-2015 17:07 by @1_Jack_Jacko Comments (0)  

   messageicon if your religion is worth killing for , please,..... start with yourself
←Rate | 01-16-2015 09:42 by IronMonKeY Comments (3)  

   messageicon Those 50 workers that stayed and are trying to stop full nuclear meltdown at the reactor in Japan are super heroes or the last of the Kamikaze's as far as I'm concerned...God Speed!!
←Rate | 03-15-2011 06:28 by Bill Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to the most recent available financial statements, Apple Inc. has more cash on hand—over $76 billion—than the U.S. Treasury. That's why I've taken all my cash and converted it to safe, stable iTunes gift cards.
←Rate | 08-07-2011 06:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This morning a girl on my friends list wrote as her Facebook status "F*CKING PHONE!!!" I'll admit now that asking "Can I watch?" was not really my smartest choice.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 18:41 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just taped magnets to the bottom of my empty coffee cup and attached it to the top of my car... Can't wait to see how many people will try and flag me down...
←Rate | 06-07-2010 21:26 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Facebook: A place where all your past mistakes will eventually try to befriend you.
←Rate | 06-10-2010 05:46 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon If someone calls you a freak just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite freak.
←Rate | 12-06-2010 20:18 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
←Rate | 05-30-2012 14:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon There should be a separate social networking site for people who post inspirational quotes.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 07:17 by Baddie Comments (1)  

   messageicon They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
←Rate | 10-12-2012 12:41 by snotty Comments (0)  

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