Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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Page: 26 of 5370

   messageicon Relax,,, We're all crazy.. It's not a competition.
←Rate | 07-12-2012 14:16 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Batman has a lot of cool toys,, but if he uses anything but a laser pointer to catch Catwoman in the next movie,, I'll be really disappointed.
←Rate | 04-18-2012 20:33 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're driving a car. It isn't a telephone booth, a beauty parlor or a restaurant...
←Rate | 06-07-2010 00:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon As your next President, I promise to remove all things Kardashian....
←Rate | 04-25-2016 08:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon With all the controversy surrounding public restrooms, I am now identifying myself as 'waiting til I get home'
←Rate | 04-30-2016 08:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I finally found my girlfriends G spot.. Turns out her sister had it .
←Rate | 06-25-2016 19:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
←Rate | 04-15-2015 12:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sure they'll recap the first round of this season of "Riots" on your local news channel in case you missed its premier.
←Rate | 04-27-2015 22:28 by John Y Comments (0)  

   messageicon I start conversations with "As a vegan" when I don't want to be friends with them
←Rate | 08-08-2014 01:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna' be a great day.
←Rate | 03-31-2010 12:17 by Shamus Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 11:09 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people's heads
←Rate | 01-09-2012 12:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful!
←Rate | 10-18-2011 18:25 by Dani Comments (0)  

   messageicon At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking.
←Rate | 12-14-2011 16:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes when my internet is down,i forget that the rest of my computer still works.
←Rate | 02-22-2010 17:02 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If this shutdown takes place, I say we get our troops home. Deploy the politicians. They're the ones getting paid, so let THEM leave their families and put their lives at risk every day. They would all be killed within 24 hours and then we can start over!
←Rate | 04-08-2011 20:50 by Liz Comments (0)  

   messageicon FACEBOOK is the second most popular word that starts with "F" and ends with "K" ; )
←Rate | 03-04-2011 01:50 by RoN Comments (0)  

   messageicon Does anybody have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
←Rate | 05-27-2011 06:52 Comments (3)  

   messageicon New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
←Rate | 07-12-2011 09:29 by WhiplashWally Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don't want to know."
←Rate | 09-28-2011 14:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

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