Funny Status Messages | Status Message Generator | Recent Comments | Chuck Norris Sayings

Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.
Sort: Recent | Oldest | Rating
Filter On | Filter Off
Search Messages:
Page: 26 of 5086

   messageicon The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
←Rate | 05-23-2010 22:16 by Joser Comments (0)

   messageicon You look like the type of person who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.
←Rate | 12-01-2010 03:21 by ff1241 Comments (17)

   messageicon Look, here's the deal: If you're into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
←Rate | 12-01-2010 22:30 by ff1241 Comments (0)

   messageicon I think I am going to make my own beer. I'll call it Responsibly, that way competitors will do all my advertising. Please drink Responsibly!
←Rate | 12-27-2010 15:27 by Heather25 Comments (3)

   messageicon Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
←Rate | 01-15-2011 04:02 by page submitted by the Great Comments (0)

   messageicon My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
←Rate | 02-10-2014 20:17 by ImSoFunny Comments (0)

   messageicon I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager
←Rate | 09-15-2014 21:55 Comments (0)

   messageicon If you shut off the Internet in the US, we'd overthrow the government within hours.
←Rate | 01-28-2011 15:40 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)

   messageicon Why is it when opportunity knocks on your door, it knocks only once. But temptation... That b*tch leans on the damn door bell!
←Rate | 02-10-2011 17:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

   messageicon Raise your hand if you would add your boss as a Facebook friend. Now with the other hand slap yourself in the face.
←Rate | 03-02-2011 21:10 by RoN Comments (0)

   messageicon I couldnt find the thingy that peels the carrots & potatoes, so I asked the kids if they had saw it & apparently, she left me yesterday?!
←Rate | 07-04-2011 19:11 by delburtington Comments (0)

   messageicon I just found a bag filled with cigarette butts, a used pregnancy test, and a bunch of empty PBR cans. I'm calling it "Trailer Mix."
←Rate | 04-12-2011 09:49 by Gman Comments (0)

   messageicon I'm pretty sure that just before I get to Walmart some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping
←Rate | 04-25-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)

   messageicon I was asked if I liked blowing bubbles... but I am not sure. Who is Bubbles?!
←Rate | 09-30-2011 13:42 by Dani Comments (0)

   messageicon Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.
←Rate | 11-02-2011 17:13 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

   messageicon Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don't trust it. Everyone knows it's impossible to drive without eating the fries.
←Rate | 01-23-2012 11:04 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

   messageicon Im gonna laugh when the day comes when our generation is saying "You spoiled little brats! All we had in our day was Xbox's, PS3's, iphones, flat-screen tv's & laptops, you ungrateful little sh!t"
←Rate | 12-19-2011 23:42 by g0re Comments (0)

   messageicon The woman in front of me in the checkout line wrote an actual check. I assume she then boarded her carriage and returned to her plantation.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 05:43 by Doc Noland Comments (0)

   messageicon I'm surprised by the violence in Syria. I really thought the World Peace sign at the end of Madonna's halftime show would work.
←Rate | 02-06-2012 15:59 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)

   messageicon The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
←Rate | 04-01-2012 22:14 by BEGO Comments (0)

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left