Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Due to the Economy, All dollar stores will be accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 14:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best dates end with "I can't believe we did that"
←Rate | 05-19-2016 02:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank you, True Crime, for sayingthat was a reenactment. I was prettyupset your camera person didn’tstop that murder.
←Rate | 09-12-2013 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I get tired of all the drama of family getting mad and running out the door every Thanksgiving! I believe a man is allowed to watch football naked in his own house!
←Rate | 11-22-2012 18:00 by Comments (0)  

   messageicon If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
←Rate | 04-25-2010 18:19 by lemonpillow Comments (4)  

   messageicon If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.
←Rate | 05-16-2011 14:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  

   messageicon I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
←Rate | 09-02-2012 20:26 by StonerDudee Comments (4)  

   messageicon Happy 35th, Atari 2600
←Rate | 10-14-2012 20:15 by Wulfie69 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Tequila: We had a deal. You were supposed to make me sexier, smarter and a better dancer. But I saw the video. And I think we need to talk...
←Rate | 03-10-2010 14:33 by Samir Momin Comments (0)  

   messageicon In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.
←Rate | 01-06-2011 19:30 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
←Rate | 11-22-2011 14:16 by @RonnieChapman Comments (0)  

   messageicon if I had a time machine I would stop O.J. Simpson from killing those people then nobody would know what a Kardashian is
←Rate | 05-17-2012 22:04 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends I can be certain of.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 00:18 by zd Comments (0)  

   messageicon That's Crazy = The perfect response when you haven't been listening.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 14:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your boyfriend remembers your eye colour after the first date, then you probably have small tits
←Rate | 12-13-2011 05:30 by G0re Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree, and banged every guy on your way down..?
←Rate | 05-27-2011 18:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girl On Fire by Alicia Keyes would be a great theme song for a Vagisil commercial!
←Rate | 02-13-2013 11:09 by Kalleygirl Comments (0)  

   messageicon Confucius say: Man who go to sleep with sexual problem, wake up with solution in hand....
←Rate | 02-04-2010 22:21 by samdave69 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 100 people get swine flu and everyone wears a mask... 1,000 people get aids and no one wears a condom... Makes you wonder a little...
←Rate | 03-28-2010 09:57 by @abhicoolz Comments (0)  

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