Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 256 of 6371
I'm donating my body to science... fiction.
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04-30-2021 21:15 by Fazzy
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One of the stars of Borat 2 is under investigation for possible criminal activity at the direction of a Home Alone 2 cast member.
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04-30-2021 18:35
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My granddad just said if I was having trouble getting rid of coffee stains on my teeth I should soak them in Clorox. I had to remind him that my teeth don’t come out
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04-30-2021 08:23
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A couch nap with a little kid on your stomach is the best sleep you can ever have. It’s like a weighted blanket whose college you gotta pay for.
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04-30-2021 08:22
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why is it called hoarding and not stock home syndrome?
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04-30-2021 08:22
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To the lady who flipped me off when I honked at you, your phone probably isn’t on top of your car anymore!
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04-30-2021 08:21
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I don’t need the body of a 20 yr old. I would take their bladder though.
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04-30-2021 08:21
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I always wondered if songbirds get mad at hummingbirds for not knowing the lyrics...
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04-29-2021 18:22 by Mr.Matt
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The police came by to tell me that my dogs have been chasing people on bicycles. I said, “My dogs don’t even own bicycles!”
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04-29-2021 16:50 by Mr.Matt
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So I guess with the pandemic raging in India, the scammers will either have to work from home or cough their way through the IRS scam script
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04-29-2021 15:17 by GMoney
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Do you think baby teddy bears sleep with stuffed people
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04-29-2021 15:09
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Accidentally spilled some rice on my iPhone, so am now going to have to leave it submerged in water overnight.
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04-29-2021 14:32
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Everything that my lip balm is, I want to be. Rich, Hydrating, and Age-Defying.
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04-29-2021 14:31
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My son just chose his university, which means for the next five years I’ll have two kids attending college. Naturally, this morning I did some financial planning…marking the convenience stores I plan to rob.
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04-29-2021 14:31
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Just because you haven’t met the right person doesn’t mean that you will.
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04-29-2021 03:47
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Nomadland won the Oscar for Best Picture. Was this an actual movie or a description of movie theaters in 2020?
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04-28-2021 14:25
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Microwave: Here's a piping hot Tupperware of cold food
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04-28-2021 13:00
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[first day as a detective] I can’t remember where I parked my car
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04-28-2021 11:51
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the coronavirus pandemic taught me that life is short and politicians are willing to make it shorter
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04-28-2021 11:50
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It's about time we, as a sophisticated society, start getting birds to wear diapers.
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04-28-2021 08:59
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