Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages
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I love to eat Bran Flakes in the morning. I guess i'm just a regular girl.
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What's the speed limit of sex? 68. Because at 69 you have to turn around.
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How do you spell "clitoris"? I don't know but I had it on the tip of my tongue a moment ago.
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My grandmother has false teeth. I can't believe a word she says.
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If you want to buy some marijuana,press the hash key now.
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When I say I drive like lightning,it's not because I drive fast. It's because I hit a lot of trees.
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Bills travel at twice the speed through the post than cheques.
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Don't think of it as thousands of dollars of your hard-earned money. Think of it as a toilet seat for the Pentagon.
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I bought a pack of biscuits today and on it said "store in a cool place." So I sent them to Samuel Jacksons house.
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Valentines day. Where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
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..is wearing an Arnold Schwartzenegger costume for Halloween..and with a mouthful of candy,she will sound just like him!
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I lost my phone for an hour. The day I lost my 5 year-old neice at the zoo is now the second most terrifying experience of my life.
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Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
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This little piggy went to market.This little piggy stayed at home.This little piggy had roast beef.This little piggy had none.And this little piggy had influenza A virus subtype hemagglutinin protein 1 neuraminidase protein 1.
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Found the Muffin Man on Facebook. If he accepts my Friend Request then I can tell my mates "Yes I DO know the Muffin man!". They'll be impressed.
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Studies show it's okay for me to simply say "studies show" in front of anything and it becomes accepted as fact.
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My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.
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If Microsoft made actual windows,our houses would be full of thieves and prostitutes.
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Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against tables,chairs,etc).
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