BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business again.

   There's always that one person who makes you wanna raise your middle finger every time they speak to you

   Fast replies make me feel like you actually want to talk to me. But slow replies make me think you're talking to someone better.

   When I see your face, there's not a thing I would change .... except the direction I'm walking in.

   Now my friends all hate me because I've been keeping my enemies closer.

   I wish breaking up with someone meant they had to refund all the money you spent on them.

   If people could hear the next five seconds after I hit "end" on a call, I would have no friends.

   I love finding money in my pockets after a night of drinking. It's like a gift to sober me…from drunk me.

   What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE.

   An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future ;)

   Old is when your sweetie says, “Lets go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can't do both!”

   Skinny = anorexic , thick = obese , virgin = too good , non-virgin = slut , friendly = fake , quiet = rude. You can never please society

   Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend

   Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?

   Before Facebook, I had told maybe six people “Happy Birthday,” ever.

   I'm not shy, I'm just really good at figuring out who's worth talking to

   Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.

   Bit%h If We Break Up... I'm Changing My Netflix Password ... You Ain't Bouta Be Cuddled Up With Anotha Guy On My $8 a Month

   I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.

   Some of you ask me how I spend my valentines day: Naked, on the floor with a bottle of liquor in my hand, Screaming Adele songs to my cat.