Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. He should pledge to make Lauryn Hill his Secretary of Miseducation.
←Rate | 08-20-2010 15:53 by jdpower Comments (0)  

   messageicon Kanye is not TOTALLY useless, he did raise Beck awareness. That is a good thing
←Rate | 02-12-2015 20:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon For every action there is an equal and opposite overreaction in the media.
←Rate | 03-04-2015 11:04 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 1985: call me on the new line in my roo.m 2000: call me on my mobile flip phone 2015: don't call me
←Rate | 06-10-2015 13:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Thank you, True Crime, for sayingthat was a reenactment. I was prettyupset your camera person didn’tstop that murder.
←Rate | 09-12-2013 12:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
←Rate | 11-17-2016 06:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.
←Rate | 11-26-2016 03:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone's cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do?
←Rate | 01-09-2017 15:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
←Rate | 01-23-2016 06:49 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
←Rate | 02-15-2016 12:13 by eengrms Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girls, there is a FINE line between wearing makeup and looking like you just got gang-banged by crayola.
←Rate | 02-22-2016 04:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gray hair is the human body's equivalent of low toner.
←Rate | 03-24-2016 07:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon First Rule of Camping: Start building the tent before you start drinking....
←Rate | 04-02-2016 14:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heart pounding, pupils dilated, fingers trembling, dry mouth, sweaty palms, rising feeling of panic... Where the hell has my phone gone?
←Rate | 04-06-2016 19:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see Kanye West crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!!!
←Rate | 04-12-2016 01:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear anonymous teenager in Starbucks ... If your first phone cost more than your parents' first car, your life probably doesn't suck as much as you think.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 14:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe, just maybe, if we tell all these young people with their faces glued to their phones that the brain is an app, they'll start using it.....
←Rate | 04-23-2016 07:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to the Economy, All dollar stores will be accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.
←Rate | 05-09-2016 14:30 Comments (0)  

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