Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 25 of 6367

   messageicon Her: Is your stomach flat? Him: Yeah, just the “L” is silent.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Separating your laundry by color is a myth created by big detergent to sell more laundry sauce.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, our satisfaction is measured by our own hearts, minds, and souls.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You wanna listen to some Pop Country, or would you rather go to China and lick some doorknobs?
←Rate | 06-26-2022 00:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only intelligent tactical response to life’s horrors, is to laugh defiantly at it.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Re-reading my own post every time someone likes it. “Ah yes, quality content.”
←Rate | 07-03-2022 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear plexiglass, thank you for protecting me from the cashier who just touched everything I’m taking home.
←Rate | 07-23-2022 00:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When your girl takes her top off, but the antidepressants have killed your sex drive. Boobies, yes, I remember.
←Rate | 05-15-2022 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because it’s a bad idea does not mean it won’t be a good time.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.
←Rate | 06-13-2022 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 90’s Psychopath = 2020’s Gender fluid mainstream progressive.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hate it when artists get on Twitter to tell us that we’re singing the lyrics wrong. If 80 thousand of us are saying the same thing, maybe YOU’RE wrong.
←Rate | 01-11-2023 00:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started investing in stocks: Chicken, Beef, Vegetable… One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sharks can outswim you, but you can outrun sharks. So, it all comes down to who’s the fastest cyclist.
←Rate | 04-28-2022 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That mini heart attack when you can’t find spaghetti in your pocket.
←Rate | 05-07-2022 22:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hangry ~ A state of anger caused by lack of food.
←Rate | 05-12-2022 01:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tried to spoon a tall girl once and felt like a backpack.
←Rate | 05-19-2022 07:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 05:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall. When it rang, I’d pick it up not knowing who was calling. Amazing I’m still alive.
←Rate | 05-30-2022 00:03 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left