Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 25 of 6367
Her: Is your stomach flat? Him: Yeah, just the “L” is silent.
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06-05-2022 02:52
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Separating your laundry by color is a myth created by big detergent to sell more laundry sauce.
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06-21-2022 00:14
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Just watched someone who bought a dozen eggs without even checking them first. Talk about an unhinged wealth flex. 🙄
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01-24-2023 00:21
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A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, our satisfaction is measured by our own hearts, minds, and souls.
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06-24-2022 23:13
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You wanna listen to some Pop Country, or would you rather go to China and lick some doorknobs?
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06-26-2022 00:13
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The only intelligent tactical response to life’s horrors, is to laugh defiantly at it.
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06-27-2022 03:09
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Re-reading my own post every time someone likes it. “Ah yes, quality content.”
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07-03-2022 11:21
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Dear plexiglass, thank you for protecting me from the cashier who just touched everything I’m taking home.
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07-23-2022 00:01
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When your girl takes her top off, but the antidepressants have killed your sex drive. Boobies, yes, I remember.
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05-15-2022 02:44
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Just because it’s a bad idea does not mean it won’t be a good time.
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06-03-2022 02:54
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Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You’re one of them.
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06-13-2022 02:45
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90’s Psychopath = 2020’s Gender fluid mainstream progressive.
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01-08-2023 16:32
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Hate it when artists get on Twitter to tell us that we’re singing the lyrics wrong. If 80 thousand of us are saying the same thing, maybe YOU’RE wrong.
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01-11-2023 00:50
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Started investing in stocks: Chicken, Beef, Vegetable… One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
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06-27-2022 03:03
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Sharks can outswim you, but you can outrun sharks. So, it all comes down to who’s the fastest cyclist.
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04-28-2022 01:36
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That mini heart attack when you can’t find spaghetti in your pocket.
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05-07-2022 22:08
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Hangry ~ A state of anger caused by lack of food.
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05-12-2022 01:34
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Tried to spoon a tall girl once and felt like a backpack.
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05-19-2022 07:31
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It’s ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
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05-24-2022 05:05
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Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall. When it rang, I’d pick it up not knowing who was calling. Amazing I’m still alive.
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05-30-2022 00:03
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