Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Heard that Snooki hates the nickname "Snooki" and wants to go back to using her real name, "Danny Devitto".
←Rate | 04-01-2011 00:58 by funnier than yours Comments (0)  

   messageicon Accidentally took a women's multi vitamin and I've been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
←Rate | 08-12-2012 16:43 by Marshall the Great Comments (2)  

   messageicon How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
←Rate | 02-09-2013 21:53 by eengrms Comments (0)  

   messageicon Democrat parties have weed, Republican parties have hookers. Tough call...
←Rate | 10-15-2012 16:27 Comments (2)  

   messageicon It's time to be concerned about unemployment when attractive people start losing their jobs.
←Rate | 11-01-2012 14:27 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trillions of stars. Billions of galaxies. So many civilizations. But you’ll never explore one. You’re stuck here on earth hearing about the damn Kardashians.
←Rate | 04-08-2013 00:56 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just a Christmas reminder. Buy your kids a big pack of batteries and attach a card that says "Toys not Included".
←Rate | 11-27-2011 17:16 by K-Mac Comments (0)  

   messageicon Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won't be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that's what's been missing.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 18:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I guess Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are dating now, and apparently it's getting serious. Friends say Kanye is the guy Kim wants to spend the rest of her month with
←Rate | 04-16-2012 16:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon is just me or do buffalo wings taste a lot like chicken?
←Rate | 10-23-2011 14:10 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Due to the failing economy, trick or treaters will be ID this year. I will be giving out candy to the ages of 6 to 9 years of age. Parents with infants, we know the child can't eat candy due to the lack of teeth. Get your own damn candy thanks.
←Rate | 10-24-2011 18:46 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  

   messageicon watched a bunny hop past me and into bushes and thought "What if I'm supposed to follow it?"
←Rate | 10-31-2011 22:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon is upset that facebook won't let him start a relationship with himself
←Rate | 12-15-2009 23:46 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon This "fancy" wine rack I got for Christmas is total crap. NONE of these boxes fit at all
←Rate | 01-29-2010 14:29 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Drag racing would be a lot more fun if I didn't have to wear a dress.
←Rate | 07-31-2010 16:49 by greg2missy Comments (0)  

   messageicon That psychic was terrible. She didn't even know I was going to run out without paying!
←Rate | 08-25-2010 23:17 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon pumpkin for sale, slightly used
←Rate | 11-02-2013 22:01 by pimpjuice Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 11:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
←Rate | 09-30-2011 15:56 by shuttdogg Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's a difficult day for me today. Today is the day I tell my dog that I am not his biological mother and that his real mother was a b!tch.
←Rate | 08-02-2011 21:57 Comments (0)  

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