bego Funny Status Messages

   Do you enjoy interacting with people?" "Nope" "Great, you're hired!" - DMV interview process

   2014 is in 4 months.. Let that sink in

   My next house will have no kitchen—just vending machines and a large trash can.

   Thank you for your payment, I'm going to give you a confirmation number." "Cool, I'm going to pretend I'm writing it down.

   Friend: "Whats a good movie?" Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about?" Me: "Horses... horses on a boat"

   Dear food commercials, Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people.

   I love when my boss catches me actually doing work.

   Remember before the internet when people ate food and didn't need to tell everyone about it?

   Relationship Advice: The person with the longest text message response time has the upper hand.

   Instagram says it now can sell your pics without your permission. Good luck making money with pictures of Cups of coffee, Cupcakes & clouds.

   I heard that Google Searches stay on your hard drive forever...that means my laptop will never be for sale.

   It's 2012 and bread still has a crust. Flying cars my ass.

   Unicorns aren't extinct - they just gained weight and are now called rhinos.

   Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

   When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"

   Wives & girlfriends are temporary but ex-wives & ex-girlfriends last forever.

   Like sands through the hourglass, Facebook wastes the days of our lives.

   No one ever says, “It's only a game,” when their team is winning.

   A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.

   The true test of any loving relationship is having two phones and only one functioning charger.