Aaron Funny Status Messages

   out dealin w/ things way beyond his maturity level...

   If the scientists REALLY want to know how the dinosaurs died, they can just ask the guy driving in front of me.

   When in doubt, make the jerk-off hand motion.

   WHOA! Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for updating my status. I'm going to miss you guys.

   An auto-flush urinal made me feel insecure about my manhood by flushing while I was peeing, as if to say "nothing registers as being there."

   Everyday is a constant struggle to not give in and finally taste one of the dogs Beggin' Strips.

   The days of good grammar has went.

   Headed to Lowe's. After what I just did in the bathroom, it's best we just build another one.

   "Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting

   The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.

   I'm saving myself for marriage. Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage

   Commercials: Now brought to you with limited football interruption.

   Today doesn't have that new day smell.

   I'm at my best when no one is around.

   Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.

   Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done.

   I think I'll skip English tomorrow. There are just certain aspects of Moby I don't want to know about.

   What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.

   Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: "skeletal remains," "dumpster," "almost beyond recognition," "dental records" and "shallow grave."

   It's so cute how you think I'm listening.