sean Funny Status Messages

   a new postage stamp shaped like a vAjAy was introduced yesterday but it's not selling well cos only 5% of men know how 2 lick it properly!

   A waffle house is like a gas station bathroom that serves waffles.

   People at work always ask me, Sean- how can you stand to sit so close to that space heater, you have to be burning up- I tell them I was married once and enjoyed the time I spent in Hell

   I wish cats came with a counter that told you what life they were on. Number 8 kitty? Maybe you need to work on that attitude.

   I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.

   Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?

   Can someone's face be a pet peeve?

   When I grew up I cussed so much that for a while I thought that soap was actually one of the four food groups

   My last girlfriend wanted more excitement in our relationship so I gave her a couple of opportunities to escape the basement.

   Am I the only one who watches prescription drug commercials and while they are listing the side effects like, dementia, loss of vision, and thoughts of suicide, suddenly think of an ex?

   was at a house recently of some people I didn't like when life afforded me the opportunity to empty their bottle of sexual lubrication and replace it with hand sanitizer, On the bright side they should be 99.9% Germ free

   Brett Favre & Congressman Weiner gave new meaning to the term "Junk Mail".

   The worst part about someone asking how you've been is when you realize, "Oh, great. Now I have to ask about you."

   How do you know you're allergic to cats if you've never even tasted one?

   If you went to High School with your girlfriend's grandfather, you might be a Hugh Heffner.

   Now Falcons fans feel like Hillary supporters felt like on election night

   I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn't even lift him. We high-fived & laughed.

   The life expectancy of reindeer is 8-10 years. We can stop singing about Rudolph now.

   If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you won't have anything to smile and talk about when you're old

   I gave $10 to our local Little League team, just to be called an "Athletic Supporter"