Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I have the ability to get wasted and function at the office appropriately the next day... it's my super power.

   I like to high-five after sex because cuddling with strangers is weird.

   Procrastination is a dish best served some other time.

   Take me seriously at your own risk.

   One man's birthday is another man's free liquor day.

   Women need a reason to cheat, men just need another woman.

   A clever horse needs only one touch of the whip...unless it's into that sort of thing.

   You look friendly. I'll go sit somewhere else.

   I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn't even know I was driving.

   Remember when pressing pause on a VCR used to make everyone on the screen have a seizure?

   I just watched a dude squeeze a lime into his beer, but I'm afraid if I say anything he'll hit me with his purse.

   Skinny girls look good in tight clothes.. butt curvy girls look good naked

   So you mean to tell me that speed dating doesn't involve methamphetamines?

   I heard you are a PLAYA. Nice to meet you, I am the COACH.

   If you develop a rash from your new girlfriend then discontinue use immediately.

   FACT: If Osama Bin Laden hid where I hide my porn, he would still be alive today.

   I just told a man his breath smells like coffee beans that were dipped in shi t. He's pissed but said he'll be back with my speeding ticket.

   Making me doubt myself was your first mistake. Underestimating me will be your last.

   Oh, you hate drama? Please continue to dramatically complain about it.

   Baby, does all this money make my d*ck look bigger?