Aaron Funny Status Messages

   death gotta be easy cause life is hard. It'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scarred

   I leave notes on people's windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.

   Do you know how much more gas mileage my car would get if it didn't have to haul my fat ass around?

   Scared of dying alone? Become a careless bus driver!

   I really hope cell phones aren't bad for us, but I would like the excuse: 'I can't talk right now. You're giving me cancer.'

   Like Superman, I have a Fortress of Solitude. But mine flushes.

   Do you know who has a bad sense of direction? This guy. =======>

   Picasso emoticon: ' < __ ,

   I am imperfection perfected.

   Might get my balls botoxed today.

   I think, therefore I am overqualified.

   Don't make me use UPPERCASE.

   Earth is full. Go home.

   There are good status updates, then there are bad status updates ... then there's 50 feet of crap, then there's mine.

   Intelligence is like underwear. It's important that you have it but there's no need to show it off.

   I am tormented at night by the idea that everything funny has been said

   Life isn't fair. Especially when I'm involved.

   The computer just crashed and erased all the work I didn't do this morning.

   When you get home this evening, surprise your family by kicking the door in.

   To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.