huck Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I don't want to say I'm out of shape, but I can't even jog my memory without breaking a sweat.
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:12 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Brad Pitt gets sad on Christmas when one of his kids asks what's in the box
←Rate | 05-02-2015 21:40 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
←Rate | 05-09-2015 16:03 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
←Rate | 05-12-2015 05:07 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't worry about walking a mile in my shoes. Just try spending a day thinking in my head.
←Rate | 05-17-2015 13:34 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon We're told constantly to follow our dreams. Well, my dream is to thwart every single other human's dream.
←Rate | 05-30-2015 06:17 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in my day recess was where they sent us to play on a rusty death trap and now kids can't eat gluten.
←Rate | 05-31-2015 07:47 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm am ever wronged, I expect you to avenge me. So be ready.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 16:58 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kind of unfair that dentists are the only ones who have the freedom to shove their hand in someone's mouth when they start talking.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 17:01 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who have a meme for every Facebook comment scare me more than serial killers.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 17:34 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon 4:43am Neighborhood Watch Report: my neighbor gets a super creepy look on his face when he's sleeping.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 17:36 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you expect me to answer an actual phone call you're gonna have to give me at least 3 days warning
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:29 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do I have to do to get out of work early? Will faking my death be sufficient? Because I'm totally up for that.
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:48 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a suggestion box, I put in, "Get rid of suggestion box."
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:51 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I honestly think my dog feels almost no remorse at how messy she makes my house.
←Rate | 07-14-2015 22:09 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:12 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are really judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:24 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pretty sure you could "pull life support" from me just by turning off the a/c
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:36 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you look closely at my 13.1 sticker, you can see a tiny asterisk leading to another sticker that says " *ft."
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:50 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
←Rate | 09-04-2015 15:59 by huck Comments (0)  



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