hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're panicking over who's next to go.

   If you've never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.

   I appreciate the transparency that the Domino's pizza tracker provides, but updates like "Carl dropped your pizza" and "5 second rule" are a bit much

   Hey Alanis Morissette! Getting a girl pregnant on a "pull-out" couch. That's IRONIC.

   If I were rich I wouldn't be shaking this ketchup bottle so hard

   If people can now use pepper spray to get the last piece of junk at Walmart, then I'm going to start using it for unwanted meeting requests.

   Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else

   I just changed the name of my wireless network to....♫ ♪ Pretty Fly for a Wi-Fi ♪ ♫

   Well, it turns out my eye patch is actually something called a "Jock Strap" & suddenly I'm not allowed into the Pirate Party

   Some peoples glasses are half full, some are half empty but mine is cracked and leaking valuable water

   Weird to think we're just fifteen years away from Snooki being a grandmother.

   They say diamonds are a girl's best friend but I've never seen a girl talk sh!t about a diamond behind its back.

   The hotel is mad at me for getting a haircut in the jacuzzi. Sorry for trying to look nice at a Holiday Inn.

   Brett Favre has joined Twitter. I'll be giving him a little time to figure things out before I click on any of his Twitpics.

   Blasting Chumbawumba, and I'm not gonna stop until the realtor showing the house next door pays me to.

   Just got caught stealing a book, I explained that I'm dyslexic & thought it was the 'help self' section.

   According to my employee handbook I am only required to show up sober. There is nothing saying I can't start drinking once I get here...take that HR lady

   I was playing fetch with my neighbor's dog but he's too heavy to carry in my teeth and his fur tastes horrible

   Doesn't seem like a good sign that I asked for a to-go box at this Mexican restaurant, and they brought me a casket.

   Making mental notes with a pen isn't very smart. I've got ink on my forehead now.