smeebert Funny Status Messages

   "My vote is for sale. Anyone want to one up Madonna? I'm taking offers..."

   Kate plus eight is being cancelled, I think we can all together say eight times....thank God!

   still wonders why my friends in high school all had those plastic film containers and no one owned a camera?

   New Deluxe never used 2020 planner - super cheap!

   Facebook. Why are you trying to lure me into people's problems?

   Levi Johnston is part native, he just took back his apology to Palin

   Internal Revenge Service

   Terrorists are like salmon, life is good until the seals show up

   Well about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie

   Just watched 'Pan Am" ….. Now there's an example where the union seniority killed the industry, all those lovely stewardesses are now old flight attendants

   You can always tell which friends have no life, you can never get a poke up on them.

   If you drive under the speed limit then yes you are boring

   hates getting texts or calls on my iphone it interrupts my game, don't call me!

   Why do we protect movie ticket nerds behind 4inches of glass and a bank teller with only a pen on a chain?

   You said you would go out with me only if it were our last day on earth... my pickup line tonight

   Alec Baldwin wouldn't have been booted from the plane today if he played the part of the pilot

   You can get away with anything at Costco if you wear a hairnet

   I bribed a cop this morning, handed him my drivers license with a doughnut underneath

   Feds are indicting Clemens for perjury, said they knew he was on steriods when they saw his nose grow

   Weird, thousands of people working from home getting paychecks and not a single one has called in sick all week.