samdave69 Funny Status Messages

   lives with fear everyday. Sometimes she lets him go fishing....

   wakes up grumpy, but most days he just lets her sleep....

   England are to change their shirts for the next game. The 3 lions will be replaced with 3 tampons to represent the worst period they've ever had!!

   veni, vidi, velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around...

   realized that a dog is truly a mans best friend. Locked the dog and the wife in the car boot for 1hour. Guess who was happy to see me and who wasn't??

   Ashley cole was arrested for speeding!! In his defence, he was told tht John Terry's car was parked outside his house!!!

   a cookbook is like a Danielle Steele novel for chubby girls....

   Deja Vuvuzela - I think I've heard this buzz before....

   has been asked to change his status regarding SATC2. Apparently PETA didn't take too well at me comparing Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie to a horse. It was harsh on horses worldwide..... I am sorry......

   pays tribute to Mickey Mouse who will turn 82 years old this year. He's now the oldest rodent in show business, unless you count that thing on Donald Trump's head....

   going to take a picture of his first kid and use age progression software to figure out what he'll look like when he's 16. Then I'm going to frame the picture and keep it as a centrepiece in the house. Then when the appropriate time comes and he realiz

   doesn't have a drinking problem. He drinks. He gets drunk. He falls down. No problem...

   thanks his mum for teaching him TIME TRAVEL as a kid. She would always say: "straighten up or I'll knock you into next week!"

   Wonders...Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "If you build it, they will come"

   likes it when he open a document on the comp and the monitor says WORD. And I'm like, YOOO!!

   finally knows why leprechauns laugh when they run...? It's because the grass tickles their nuts...

   doesn't have a beer belly. What I have is a fuel tank for a sex machine......

   just heard that Naomi Campbell walked into a library and asked for Blood Diamond. She was told "sorry dear, you're asking the wrong person, you need a Liberian!!

   "Avatar"... returns to theaters this week, with 9 mins added to the movie. These additional minutes r very important. They explain how the blue ppl got that way by cross-breeding with Smurfs...

   wonders if its politically incorrect to pour Self Raising Flour on orphan kids.....