otis Funny Status Messages

   Dr says my cholesterol count is so high that... I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

   Home quarantine going great so far but not sure what day it is or what hour it is and I’m not really sure where I parked.

   going for shots this morning. the dogs are getting rabies and I'm getting starbucks

   they found the body of the guy who stole all the celebrity's nude photos. Apparently he has been high fived to death.

   It's my birthday on St Patrick's Day and I'm gonna be drunk all weekend! LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!

   u guys should be able to charge $ for making the rest of us who copy ur posts look funny. but dont charge me, it was my idea.

   going to opt for GPS on our next dryer. Should help locate those missing socks.

   Uh, rah rah baseball people. Football season's begun. More You can stop now. Thanks.

   On this Thanksgiving I am thankful to all of your post that make me look funny on Facebook.

   I suggest FB replace the "Like" button with "OMAHA!!"

   Bong Bowl is on! Just don't drink the water

   My wife asked me the other day if I had seen the dog bowl. I replied, I didn’t know he did that.

   Happy birthday to the microwave oven. As The very first domestic model was introduced 58 years ago today, by the Tappan stove company in Mansfield, Ohio.Formally known as Tappan @ss LLC.

   I told my wife she has to embrace her mistakes. So she hugged me.

   Why didn’t we use the Seattle Space Needle to take down the Chinese balloon?

   Wondering, what are the aliens on the dark side of the moon doing? Seeing the sun for the first time?