mickeybruce Funny Status Messages

   really misses Tiger Woods Gatorade. But the John Daly Gatorade is pretty good, too (it has vodka in it)

   just heard the villian in the next Batman movie is a guy who's exposed to high levels of radiation and becomes the Speaker of the House of Representatives

   "Oprah tips homeless dude $100" ...20 min. later, homeless dude's crack dealer: "where you get the Benjamin, homie?"

   ...Dear Katy Perry: there were girls around with nice boobs before you were born. there will be girls around with nice boobs after you die. get over yourself, please.

   I have no problem with allowing Michael Vick to play in the NFL. However, if he ever suffers a career ending injury, he should be "put to sleep" immediately

   so I guess it's officially ok now, when you use a condom, to refer to it as "the pope hat"

   [:::] is trick-or-treating for Pop Tarts [:::]

   not superstitious. maybe just a little stitious

   I'm so hungry I could eat a Sarah Jessica Parker

   Obama went to India, Indonesia, South Korea... and still hasn't found the birth certificate??

   sometimes I wish I had more asses to tell people to kiss!

   if women ruled the world there would be no wars. just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

   yo, people that drive 10 mph under the speed limit 'cuz there's a cop behind you. stop it. you ain't gettin' free donuts or anything...

   not here right now. if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, please buy me a cell phone.

   wtf? why is Obama meeting with Indians? Thanksgiving is still 3 weeks away!

   wonders if there's an alternative to mistletoe. one that allows punching.

   does anybody actually say "booyah" anymore? I think those letters should be separated and granted restraining orders against each other

   Michele Bachmann pulls so many bogus statistics out of her ass that she has to spend $200 million a day on Preparation H

   just saw the headline "Garfield cartoonist apologizes" and my first thought was "About time. That comic strip has been lame for decades"

   ...so you're talking and you feel like no one's listening at all? rip off a good loud fart. that'll get everybody's attention!