jdpower Funny Status Messages

   "Paranormal Activity 2" - terrifying tale of suburban home that unexpectedly gets possessed by Bank of America.

   If I were a Jedi, I'd have long frizzy hair, red leather pants, and lots of attitude.. and I'd go by Obi-wan Bon Jovi.

   A handful of Nigerian scam artists are wrecking it for all the honest Nigerians who want to wire money to us.

   Camping out for video game releases is a fun way to prepare for your impending homelessness.

   I could never bring myself to kill....however, I do have a list of some pretty sweet hiding spots.

   Justin Bieber is approximately the same diameter as the oil pipe in the Gulf......is anybody thinking what I'm thinking?

   How awesome would it would have been if David Blaine had somehow been the first one brought up out of the mine.

   Attention bullies: if you're looking for lunch money, there are tons of nerds hoarding around outside Apple Stores right now.

   Getting pretty stoked for all the Facebook albums of sh!tty firework pictures I'm gonna see next week!

   So we just spent $4 billion on an election about "too much spending?"

   Only 9,000 more lies until Election Day.

   Not to scare anyone, but we're only a decade or so away from grandmothers named Amber or Brittany.

   We may lag behind the Chinese in math and science, but we are absolutely kicking their butts in the tattooed homewreckers category.

   By now, Colonel Sanders has killed more people prematurely than if he were an actual military officer.

   Joran van der Sloot arrested for murder? Wow! If only there were warning signs.

   Megan Fox will not be acting in Transformers 3. So, no change from Transformers 1 and 2.

   Don't call me lazy unless you've walked a mile in my slippers

   You work hard. You sacrifice. You fight injustice. You think you're making a difference.. Then you find out Snooki has a book deal.

   I support precisely enough global warming to flood Jersey Shore.

   Scientists at Lake Tahoe are fighting off a clam invasion.. Or to use scientific terms, "Lilith Fair"