eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   STALKERS meeting tonight at that secret spot! You know the one!!

   ‎"Your Status has expired. Please deposit $1.25". ~FB Meter Maid

   This whole "Cup half empty, Cup half full" argument should state what is IN the cup before people start judging!!

   OK, I just throughly cleaned out my truck from being on the road for 2 months working. What did I learn: 1) I should lay off the dollar menu 2) If TV series Hoarders, did a car edition they would ask me to star and 3) I am now getting 7 mpg more with all

   I literary just saw a chicken cross the road. I want to stop and ask him "Why"?

   Hit "Like" if you're tired of everyone on Facebook telling you to hit "Like."

   Last women I hooked up with at the retirement home told me, "If you break it you buy it"! You know what that hip replacement cost me??

   AD for PAPER DELIVERY PERSON: Must like early mornings, must own beater car/truck with squealing breaks and NO muffler or sound supression what so ever!! Ability to drive with one knee a plus!!

   If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.

   Serving Size: Serves six adults or one ten year old.

   I dream in High Definition.

   Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

   Should I still call a DR if I have a have an erection for more then 4 hrs but I have not taken anything???

   What's the over under on how many times the Bodyguard is on the next few weeks??

   All dyslexics rejoice! For today is your day! 11/11/11 yppaH

   Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There is nothing like having a midget for a butler.

   I like how after the dental hygienist rapes my gums with a sharp ass needle the dentist complains how my gums look a little swollen.

   We all have a devil and an angel on our shoulders. Only problem is my devil has a gym membership!

   #1-900 I used to like to talk to you on late Friday nights when all my friends were out with their girls. Then you went and raise your rates!

   Man I love watching women's curling in the Olympics. It's the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.